Posted by Melvin Jones on October 2nd, 2007
You have to admire these guys. They are, if nothing else, creative in the things they do to encourage us to give them our money. I’m on the mailing list for two pimps; one is an up and coming pimp (also know as a pimplet, or just pimple for short) and the other is one of the official Big Dogs of the Pimp Cup Circuit.
As you may or may not know, for about a year I was going into an office to work three days a week. The rest of the time was spent (ostensibly) getting a copywriting business up and running. But never mind about that. The point is I would have the opportunity to watch a little more television than I would normally have if I were gone five days a week and not getting home until 6 or later in the evening.
I got to see more of I. V. Hilliard than I have ever wanted to see. I even got to watch him tell us about the special programs he’s running to bless our lives. Apparently, in a sovereign act, God moved me to call up the number on the screen and ask for my package.
About that same time, I ran across Samuel Onuoha, some guy out of Nigeria from the sound of his last name. I guess we’re just trying to make sure we have a balanced Pimp exchange between the two countries. We send them the Right Reverend Jamal-Harrison Bryant to consume their country and they send us trinket masters and witch doctors to consume portions of ours. Again God moved me to dial the number and leave my address and other essentials.
You’ve seen I. V.’s church on TV. It’s impressive. Carpeted, pictures of them all over the place. He wears nice suits (okay , they’re expensive suits that you’d never catch me wearing) and has a HUGE crowd hanging on his every word.
Your boy Samuel? His church doesn’t look that impressive. In fact, I believe the space in back of him is even lacking room for a choir. He just has a show on The Word Network (TWN). And of course you know TWN is not as expensive or as widely seen as TBN (Terrible Bad and Noxious) and I imagine the cost to broadcast through TWN is a little less than TBN. I. V. broadcasts on TBN AND TWN.
But I’ve said all of this to point out that even though these men are at different levels in the Pimp game, they use the exact same tactics. Take a look at the letter Sammy sent me in response to my call. Click on the thumbnail.
He fills in my name all through the letter. If I were an idiot, I might even think that the letter was written to directly to me. He explains that I am in a hard place , frustrated, strapped for resources, and just not doing too well. He offers me a way to make my life better.
All I have to do is light the white candle, say the prayer he supplied, put the candle out and send it in with the form he sent me. He will then pray over the candle and light it using the big candle that contains his anointing for us. Once he does that, Gaaawwd can work His will in my life and can bless me with all the material stuff I have been wanting for a while. Oh, and to prove your faith, you have to plant a seed of faith into his ministry. The bigger the seed, the better God can see your faith.
Now, let’s compare him to Mr. Hilliard, the Pimp of the Houston Beltway.
Mr. Hilliard didn’t send me a candle. He sent me a square of gold cloth.
And his letter fills in my name throughout. He goes on to tell me that if I write on the gold cloth and fill in the “Send Me Money” form then God will be able to do wondrous things in my life. Oh, and be sure to send in a seed offering to demonstrate your faith in God. The bigger the offering, the more certain it is that you are offering in faith. And if you don’t have the money right now, you can use your credit card.
So I guess the major difference between Sammy and I.V. is the fact that I.V. can take a credit card number to make sure you give. Poor old Sammy O. has to try to talk you into really giving your last dollar.
Oh, and there was one other difference between the two. Check the spelling on the two letters. I.V. actually has a mistake in his. He says go to “…a quite place,” rather than a “quiet place” in the fourth line of the third paragraph. [Sorry folks, I left my address on the letter. Once I kill it, I’ll put it back up.] You’d think I.V. for all the money he rakes in, would be able to afford and editor who can catch a mistake like that. I mean, for goodness sake, my spelling is sometimes atroshus atrosius atrocious, and I spotted it without even looking for it.
These people are pimps, liars, and deceivers. They would have you to think that they have some special relationship with the God of the universe. They would have you believe that if you go through them, you can get goodies from God, or at least get God to act and make your life a little easier. All they are really doing is making a bad situation worse.
You need a “financial break through”? Give them some money and screw up an already hosed budget even worse.
Are you sick? Give these clowns some money and you can have your faith wrecked when nothing happens.
Are you in a bad marriage? Or your children behaving like a bunch of morons? Give these clods some money. Nothing will improve with your children, and your marriage won’t get any better, but I.V. will be able to buy that new car he always wanted. Unfortunately, things will simply continue to wind down for you because you never bothered to study the Bible and ask God for wisdom in applying it in your life.
Instead, when the site’s readers point out the scams going on here, you complain about me putting my mouth on God’s anointed. The pimps continue to take your money, treat you like fools, and look you in the face as they lie to you.
They are worse than the secular con artist. The con artist is at least honest with himself and, if caught, with his accusers. The pimps lie, consistently and aggressively. They don’t care about you. They only care about their own bellies.
Yes it’s hard work, but that is one of the reasons God tells us to work out our own salvation (Phil 2:12) rather than sitting back and waiting for some Mand of Gawd to twist God’s arm for us.
It’s also why most of us never mature as Christians since we don’t want to go through various and sundried trials. Give some money to IV and have him pray for me and God will make every thing okay. But the Bible says that we are to use the trials as a way of maturing (James 1:2-4).
Which are you going to believe , the two pimps or God?
Pulpit Pimps, The Hilliards | 137 Comments »
