This is such an easy job! The fish practically jump in the boat! And I don’t have to go looking under every rock for these creepy critters. They come to me and let me know what they are doing. In fact they often brag about it

Take T. Dexter for example. He had his “Back2Bible” conference coming up in about a week. And they’re going to have some dynamite teachers/preachers covering some dynamite topics. In fact, according to the flyer on T. Dexter’s site, they promise that “(F)undamental philosophies such as redemption, salvation, prayer, the blood covenant and the resurrection will all be discussed during this three-day event.”

Hold on there cowboy!! Philosophies? Since when are the central teachings of Christianity simply philosophies? Philosophies are systems of principles for guidance in practical affairs. Redemption is not a principal. It’s not a philosophy. God’s covenant with man is not a principle. It’s certainly not a philosophy. And certainly the resurrection is not a philosophy. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (or in the case of the Pimps – do unto others before they do unto you) is a philosophy.

T. Dexter Jakes – the next Billy Graham. Right.

In Back2 Bible, T. Dexter is presenting such luminaries as Ken Ulmer and Tommy Tenney. And notice they are described as great orators. So this means what? That we’ll be impressed with their speaking skills while they feed us lies and errors? Apparently so.

Here’s a mug shot of the perpetrators. And as usual, they are regular founts of screwed up doctrine and pimpological expertise extraordinaire.

As an example, Tommy Tenney is the author of “The God Chasers” and “God’s Dream Team”. Here’s a quote from “The God Chasers”:

My life changed forever on the October weekend in Houston, Texas, when God’s presence invaded the atmosphere like a thunderbolt and split the podium at the Sunday service.
Chapter 6, page 83.

In “God’s Dream Team” he says:

There have always been dreamers. Men and women who catch a glimpse of something beyond themselves who dare to reach for goals and visions … Yet no earthly dreamer can match the greatest of them all, the Dreamer who died on the cross to make His dream a reality. John 1:1 says, “In the beginning was the Word.” The literal meaning of logos, the original Greek term translated as “Word,” is idea, thought or blueprint. It is an ancient Greek theatrical term describing the work of a playwright as he conceives, or dreams up, the plot of a play. So we could say, “In the beginning was the dream
God’s Dream Team, page 22

Did you catch that? One of the featured speakers at T. Dexter’s conference says Jesus was a dreamer. In fact, at the end he says that Jesus is the dream.

By the way, though he doesn’t exactly advertise it, Mr. Tenney is a Oneness proponent as well. Shouldn’t be surprised though. After all, T. Dexter is a Oneness preacher too. But neither of these guys has ‘nads to say so. After all, people aren’t quite stupid enough to completely ignore the fact that he denies one of the central tenets of Christianity. They’re getting there, but they’re not there just yet.. And as you would expect, Tenney’s theology is just as screwed up as T. Dexter’s.

Then there’s the woman preacher, Bishop Dr. Cynthia James. I can just see it now. T. Dexter has been busy feminizing men for the last ten years. Now he brings in a woman to ramp up the feminization efforts even more. And of course, she has ties, through folks like Dave Copeland (an up and coming Word of Faith fellow out of Texas [of course], to Fred Price, the Apostate Apostle of Word of Faith poison.

Ken Ulmer runs a church out of an old coliseum in Los Angeles. And during the week, to pay for the place, he rents it out to various rock groups and other performers of…uh…questionable character. He’s also the guy who, several years ago, came up with the book “A New Thing,” in which he proposes that many of the unbiblical practices and teachings he and his ilk are promoting are not wrong. They are simply new. Thus the non-stop screeching and hollering during that which they call worship are something new, not something stupid. Of course you wouldn’t expect an associate of T. Dexter to be any better at understanding God than the man the world is trying to give us to be the next great theologian of the church.

But enough of these clowns. Let’s take a look at one of my favorite pimps – Fast Eddie Long.

Fast Eddie is working a slightly new angle now. Here’s a shot from Fast Eddie’s web page What’s one of the first things you notice about it? Time’s up!!

That’s right! As usual, the entire site content focuses on Fast Eddie. There is a mention of God in Fast Eddie’s note to you. But that’s it. The rest of the stuff is Fast Eddie’s name, Fast Eddie’s picture, information about conferences featuring Fast Eddie or his wife, Mrs. Fast Eddie.

I’ve been watching some of Fast Eddie’s “sermons” lately. And though I have to fight the urge to whisper “Watch this! Watch this!” when I give a briefing at work, I’m going start on summarizing some of the poisoned pabulum and heresies he has been developing over the last year.

The man isn’t simply a pimp. He is a pimp’s pimp. In fact, I think he should get rid of the remodeled Benz he drives and start tooling around in this car. It fits his character and his scams much better. And yes, you’re right, that’s Ron O’Neal’s car from Super Fly (a movie that was out back when I had hair on the top of my head).

Stay away from these pimps. Stay away from anyone associated with these pimps. Any pastor who would associate with these men and women is either too stupid to understand that they are hurting you or they are too greedy to care about your spiritual health. And either of those possibilities says you need to find another church before you are dragged down into heresy, futility, and foolishness. If you want a sign indicating wether or not you should leave a church, look at the events schedule in your church program or the bulletin board and see who your elders are associating with. And if any of these pimps’ names appear there, run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit.

Eddie Long, Fred K. C. Price, Pulpit Pimps, T. Dexter Jakes | 64 Comments »

It’s almost Oprah Day.

If you do devotion in the morning, pray for her.

If you have Bible study, have the group pray for her.

If you are meeting for prayer - purposely bring up her name to God in the group.

If you’re sitting around idle with nothing much to do, pray for her.

Pray that she would come to a saving knowledge of God’s Son and the eternal life He promises to those who trust in Him.

Consider praying that God would do in her life whatever it takes to bring her attention to Him.

Pulpit Pimps | 11 Comments »

Most of the time I look at the things these pimps do, and listen to the things they spout, I’m conflicted between laughing hysterically crying uncontrollably. I mean, take a look at Prophet Woody Martin in his prayer shawl, also known as a cheap piece of cheese cloth with badly printed scriptures and pictures plastered across it. I’d be as willing to take a picture wearing this thing as I would be willing to take a picture of the red crushed velvet tuxedo (with the black platforms) I wore to my girl friend’s prom. I destroyed all the pictures so forget about it! They’re not going to see the light of day.

I’m amazed that he can stand there, microphone in hand, and keep a straight face. On the other hand, if he can convince people to buy one he gets a hundred dollars for each sale. Let’s see. The thing can’t be worth more than a buck twenty (that’s $1.20 for you WoFers out there). And he likely gets a hundred of them shipped to his facilities at a time ($30.00 for shipping). That means the total cost of the shawl is about $1.50 each. And that means he’s clearing $98.50 for each shawl.

If he can convince just a hundred people to lay down a C note, he can clear $9850.00. Sweeet!! I take it back. If someone offered to pay me almost $10,000 to pose in that red crushed velvet tuxedo, I’d do it. But I do draw the line at the pair of Lederhosen I used to own.

Woody rightly says that the shawl has no mystical powers. In fact he says:

The prayer shawl in itself does not have any mystical healing power. It is a point of FAITH to to have your mind renewed and placed upon THE HEALER - THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, the LIVING WORD of Jehovah God through whose STRIPES we are HEALED!

Hmm. I thought the Bible did the renewing. Try as I might, I can’t see anything in Romans 12:1-2 that exhorts us to buy a piece of cheese cloth from Woody. If it’s the Word of God that heals, why not offer us a “Woody the Prophet” Bible or something?

But it gets better. Not only does he offer a Woody the Prophet prayer shawl, we can get a real live vial of “Blood of Jesus Anointing Oil” for free. Again, he rightly says there are no magical powers to it. However, he does quote a bunch of scriptures about Jesus’ blood and then goes on to say:

The oil alone had no power, but when saturated by prayer, it became the Holy Spirit’s point of power for bringing deliverance to people

Okay…then instead of having us order a vial of olive oil and food coloring, why not remind us of James 5:16? While it’s a lot less sexy than a bottle of oil, it seems more appropriate. It says:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

Where in this verse is there a need for a point of faith (or point of contact if we are a little more honest about what he’s saying)?

But I guess the biggest reason to avoid this pimp is to avoid making yourself look like an idiot. The brother in the following photograph is well dressed. Nice shirt, nice tie. It even appears that he visits the gym on the regular. But what’s up with the hanky on the head?

That’s right!! Just like Paul’s handkerchiefs, Woody the Prophet apparently also sells a prayer hanky. You know the drill – put it on the part that hurts and the anointed prayer cloth will deliver you from the pain, swelling, or what ever. Or you can pretend you’re an idiot and wear it on your head.

It looks as though we have another pimp trying to break out into national prominence. I’d stay away from him if only because of the $100 cheesy shawl. But besides that, he looks like Uncle Joe from “Petticoat Junction.”

Pulpit Pimps | 95 Comments »

I promise this is the last posting I will publish on Willow Boy for a while - unless he comes up with some other outrageously idiotic comment.

Within the last couple of days, several of you have asked: Why “Willow Boy.” I figure this is probably as good a time to review as any, since WB is on our minds.

The name goes back to one of the first times I addressed Joel and his “ministry.” I complained that unlike the men and women who stood firmly for the faith in the past, men who defied the Catholic Church despite that fact that it literally held the power of life and death in its hands, Willow Boy is unwilling to stand against much of anything.

Luther, Calvin and a host of others were like oaks, standing for the truth, for the faith delivered once and for all to the saints.

Joel, on the other hand, has stood like a willow tree, not able to stand against much of anything, swaying in the wind every time a challenge approaches.

Luther and company had roots that went deep into the truth of the Word. They couldn’t be bent, only broken. And they didn’t break. Joel, on the other hand, has shown a willingness to bend as far as he needs to - as long has he doesn’t have to break.

One set of men and women are oaks. The other set (and this set includes Osteen) are nothing more than willows, being moved by every wind that comes through the field.

Willow Boy.

Joel Osteen, Pulpit Pimps | 105 Comments »

I don’t usually follow up a posting on one of the pimps with another posting on the same pimp. But, as I am want to do, I sat and listened to Joel (aka Willow Boy) a couple of days ago (Sunday, 6 April 2008) and I was absolutely blown away by the contents of his pep talk, or PT (surely you didn’t expect me to call it a sermon). I decided the PT needed to be addressed.

The title of the PT was “How to Have a God Kind of Faith.” And yes, this is going exactly where you think it is. Basically, Joel pointed out that it’s not good enough that we should just have faith. We have to have the same kind of faith God has.
Have you heard this before? Yeah, it’s the same thing Copeland and the newly minted Word of Faith Apostle Fred Price feed their victims.

Joel started off assuring us that God has great things in store for us, insuring us that the reason we come up against difficulties is because God wants us to exercise faith, His kind of faith.

Willow Boy went on to say that we have to let God’s faith operate through us. That’s right – God has faith and He wants to operate it through us. He wants to operate his faith through us. That’s how we can get past the barriers in our lives.

I don’t know where to start with this. It’s such a target rich environment.

Okay, let’s start with the fact that God doesn’t have faith. He doesn’t need faith. He is the creator of the universe, the source of life, the source of power. He doesn’t use faith for anything.

The phrase Willow Boy uses implies that faith is a substance of some kind. It implies that God can use me as a conduit through which His faith flows. And that, of course, is exactly what the rest of the WoF pimps will tell you.

As do the rest of the Word of Faith wolves, Willow Boy demotes God to our level. Instead of us exercising faith in God’s faithfulness, in His wisdom, and in His perfection, we force Him to operate the same way we do, through faith. According to Joel, He has the same needs that we have. God uses the same substance we can use. He has to use something outside of Himself (faith, a substance) to cause to happen what He wants to happen.

A question: If faith is a substance, did God create it? If He uses faith to create, how did He create BEFORE faith came to be? If He didn’t create it, how did it come to be? Has it always been? Wouldn’t that mean that there is a substance that has been around longer than God? Doesn’t that mean there is something that is “more eternal” than God?

Apparently God needs faith to create just like I need a saw, a hammer and a screw driver to build a house. So where did God’s celestial toolbox come from? Did He run down to the Celestial Hardware Store and buy it? Does He have a celestial carpenter’s belt as well?

I really have to feel sorry for the 48,000 sheeple who give attention to him every week. They are completely unarmed. We know they don’t read their Bibles. And watching the show, listening to Joel, we know he doesn’t read his Bible either. It really is a matter of the blind leading the blind. It really seems as though people like Joel are busy setting folks up to be susceptible to deceivers like Oprah and her cohort in crime Echart Tolle I mean, what’s the real difference between what Oprah natters on about and what the smiling preacher throws out there? Joel makes his listeners ripe for the picking.

Can you imagine how susceptible the 48,000 people who sit under him are? He has not taken them to Scripture. I doubt that he understands the importance, no, the absolute necessity of right doctrine. The people who follow him are like a troupe of starving people, dying because their leader has no clue as to what real food looks like. How many of them believe there is no substantive difference between Christianity and Mormonism or between Christianity and Jehovah’s Witness doctrine?

What do you suppose he thinks of Oprah and her New Age witchery? She says she loves the Lord so she’s probably a Christian too. Right?

The more I think about Joel, the more upset I get, and the more I suspect that it’s going to be men and women like him who will end up leading the persecution of the true church when the time is right.

Will he be able to change? I don’t know. I think it would be kind of embarrassing for him to admit at this point that he really is clueless. So I suspect that as long as he is comfortable doing what he does (pretending to have some great and godly wisdom) and people are willing to follow and fawn over him, he is not likely to change.

But can you imagine being him and his wife when they face Jesus Christ at his judgment seat? Man! I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes…or sandals…or whatever we’ll be wearing when we face him. But it sure would be interesting being a fly on the Lord’s throne, watching what happens.

Pulpit Pimps | 62 Comments »

Believe it or not, I don’t go out of my way to uncover heretics and their heresies. Most of the time, I tend to mind my own business. At best I go out and look at these people’s sites and if I see something really good (bad?) I run and tell you about them. This story is kind of old. But since Willow Boy is one of my favorite whipping boys (it’s almost like drowning a sack of kittens in the river), I decided to go ahead and report on a fairly old event.

Several months ago, WB was on the Fox Channel talking politics and theology again. Mitt Romney was still in the race for the president and The Huckster hadn’t dropped out yet. Chris Wallace, the host of Fox News Sunday asked WB several questions – about the Huckster, Mitt, and Mormonism. Here is a brief excerpt from that sad interview:

WALLACE: So in that sense, what do you make of Mike Huckabee, a Southern Baptist pastor who’s doing so well and, in effect, using his faith as part of his platform?

OSTEEN: Well, you know what? I like Mike Huckabee. I’ve never met him. My brother’s from Little Rock and he knows him and says he’s a fine man. And so I like what he stands for.
From what I’ve seen, I don’t think he’s overdone it. I think he’s just — you know, he’s a Baptist pastor. That’s in him. And I think he’s just standing up for what he believes in.

WALLACE: And what about Mitt Romney? And I’ve got to ask you the question, because it is a question whether it should be or not in this campaign, is a Mormon a true Christian?

OSTEEN: Well, in my mind they are. Mitt Romney has said that he believes in Christ as his savior, and that’s what I believe, so, you know, I’m not the one to judge the little details of it. So I believe they are.

And so, you know, Mitt Romney seems like a man of character and integrity to me, and I don’t think he would — anything would stop me from voting for him if that’s what I felt like.

WALLACE: So, for instance, when people start talking about Joseph Smith, the founder of the church, and the golden tablets in upstate New York, and God assumes the shape of a man, do you not get hung up in those theological issues?

OSTEEN: I probably don’t get hung up in them because I haven’t really studied them or thought about them. And you know, I just try to let God be the judge of that. I mean, I don’t know.

I certainly can’t say that I agree with everything that I’ve heard about it, but from what I’ve heard from Mitt, when he says that Christ is his savior, to me that’s a common bond.

You can read the full transcript here.

I have to admit that as I read the transcript I was actually embarrassed for Willow Boy. He is making it so incredibly obvious that he hasn’t a clue. He demonstrated yet again that he is a mile wide and less than a millimeter deep.

The pastor of the largest church in the United States says: “…Mitt Romney said that he believes in Christ as his savior, and that’s what I believe, so, you know, I’m not the one to judge the little details of it. So I believe they are.”

The little details?!?! You mean the little details like Jesus being the half-brother of Satan? Or perhaps you mean the fact that Jesus’ father is actually Adam, their God. Or maybe you’re talking abou the minor difference where they say we can become gods just like Adam did.

Then WB rubs salt in the already gaping wound by asking “Who am I to judge?”

I had to take a time out while I was typing this. I started hitting the keys so hard that I thought I might break the keyboard.

Okay, I’ve settled down.

Who are you to judge? I would expect this kind of foolishness from the average person on the street who has absolutely no doctrinal/theological training and has no idea of just what is in the Bible. I would expect this from someone who just didn’t pay attention to the details of Christianity, who didn’t bother to promote Jesus Christ at his every opportunity to speak. I would expect this from…wait a minute. Didn’t I just describe Joel Osteen?

Joel’s stuff is so weak the Mormons sell his book through their online book stores. Could you imagine them selling John MacArthur’s works?

I suspect Joel Osteen is leading millions of people straight into hell. He’s smiling in their faces while he drugs them with a fatal feel good gospel. In effect, he telling them to have their best life now because they are going to burn forever in hell once they die.

As I watch Willow Boy, I have come to the conclusion that he is actually worse than the pimps. The pimps produce nothing and practically blackmail the sheeple into giving them money the sheeple can ill afford to part with. Joel doesn’t ask for money. He doesn’t try to throw you into any kind of guilt trip, justified or otherwise. Instead, he tells the unsaved what they want to hear in a way they want to hear it.

He tells them to strive to be a better you rather than telling them to put on the new man. He tells them that God wants them to succeed rather than telling them that God wants them to repent and die to self. He tells them God has blessing in store for them rather than warning them that if they become Christians they should expect to be persecuted. He says the opposite of what Christ says. So in a manner of speaking, you could say that Joel Osteen is actually an anti-Christ.

He doesn’t present the Gospel. At the end of each message he presents a sanitized and emasculated Jesus for the people to follow; a Jesus that isn’t Jesus at all and who will only lead them into the depths of hell.

Run away from this guy as fast as you can. Warn others away from him even faster. Make sure those around you know that this man is an empty suit with a smile and a nice hairdo, that he does not have even a rank layman’s grasp on the Gospel. Warn folks that when he stands before them or comes through the television, he has absolutely nothing of eternal value to say.

Pulpit Pimps | 118 Comments »

Click on the thumbnail image to get a look at the new book, “Pulpit Pimping for Dummies” [Fifth edition] from P.I.M.P Temple Press.

Take your ministry to the next level. Walk in divine prosperity. Get the break through you keep promising the sheeple. Drive the best cars, llive in the biggest house, fly the best planes and patronize the best restaurants.

The Dummies guide tells you how to convince people to give you more money than they can afford to give you. But not only that, it teaches you how to make those people to think you are doing them a favor by taking the money. We give you the secrets for convincing people to pay you their tithes BEFORE they pay their rent or electric bill. Do you want to make people financially dependent on you? We’ll tell you how.

You want to be worshiped as if you are the Christ? The Dummies guide teaches you how to walk, talk, and threaten so that even the most stubborn (though stupid) sheeple will be willing to quote you rather than the Bible.

Are there people in your congregation who regularly disagree with you and base that disagreement on an accurate understanding of Scripture? The Dummies guide gives you foolproof instructions on how get them out of your congregation and how to make the sheeple believe they are being obedient to God when they turn their backs on the rebel.

Once you begin to read the book and practice the techniques it promotes, you should see an almost immediate increase in your income. Tip toeing around you should increase by at least twenty percent - from the first week of practicing what the book preaches.

How do you intimidate without appearing to be doing so? It’s in there.

How do you get the congregation to buy you a house bigger than the apartment buildings most of your congregants live in? It’s in there.

Maybe you want to be the top earner in your state? Just like the rest of the stuff you want to do - it’s in there.

“Pulpit Pimping for Dummies” provides you all the information, and all the guidance you need to apply the information to get to where you want to be, to get what you want out of life, to rake in as much money, cars and other stuff as you want.

There’s even a special Scumbag section that has tons of information on how the best of the scumbags get away with sexual harassment and abuse, spanking, raping, incest and just plain fooling around with some of the Gospel groupies. We tell you how to intimidate folks to keep silent, what Scriptures to use to keep the sheeple thinking they should feel bad about doubting whatever you tell them, and how to make sure you are repeating “touch not God’s anointed” often enough to be effective but not often enough to lessen the impact.

What are the five characteristics of a worship leader that will make sure your offering always grow? They’re in there.

How do you pick the right men as deacons or elders to make sure you can take the church in whatever direction you want? Yep. It’s in there.

Want to know how to talk your way around the clear teaching against co-pastors, female pastors and bishops, or female elders? You guessed it. It’s in there.

If you order “Pulpit Pimping for Dummies” today, you will be on your way to becoming the top dog in your community. And before too long, you’ll be reaching Big Dogdom in your county and state. With a consistent application of the material, you could even end up on TBN and other venues for increasing your fame and ability to rake in money.

Here are some unsolicited testimonies from folks who have followed the advice in my book:

“I was having trouble getting the congregation to just buy me a new suit. But once I started following the advice of “P-P for Dummies” they not only buy me suits now, they even buy me cars. I had to build a new garage to handle all the overflow.” - Bishop Gary Hawkins

“I thought Pastor Melvin was crazy the first time I read his book. But after growing the church from eight people who wanted to follow Christ to 5,600 people willing to follow me any where, and give me anything, I recommend the book. Sure Melvin’s crazy - crazy like a fox.” - Bishop Eddie Long

“I went from a traditional Baptist church with two hundred families housed in a dinky little building in the center of Glenarden Maryland, to more than 7,000 members housed in mega church structure costing more than $55 million dollars. And I convinced everyone to build it in the middle of nowhere. Thanks “P-P for Dummies!” John K. Jenkins

“It’s hard to believe that people can be manipulated so easily. The stuff Melvin shared in the book works on television and over the internet just as well as it does in a church building. I would never have been able to get that second jet, the Citation, without his advice.” Ken Copeland

“Melvin helped me to understand that it doesn’t matter what you preach, whether you deny the diety of Jesus or the effectiveness of His death on the cross. He showed me how to get a really great business jet, residences in several cities, including New York City, and a load of cash like you wouldn’t believe. If you want to be the best Pulpit Pimp you can be, buy Melvin’s book. It will pay for itself the first time you take up an offering using his advice.” Creflo Dollar

These are just some of the testimonies people have written in, proving that “Pulpit Pimping for Dummies” is a valuable tool for you to add to your preaching toolbox. With the added income practically guaranteed, you’ll be able to buy all those other book (commentaries, bible dictionaries and crap) so you can impress the one or two sheeple you occasionally allow into your house.

Order it now. Get your break through. Be the best pimp you can be with no more effort than it takes to go out to dinner.

Pulpit Pimps | 130 Comments »

It’s been kind of hectic around the Jones household. Though it’s been over six months, I still haven’t quite adjusted to working five days a week instead of three. Add to that, the fact that I’ve gotten involved with a church that insists we actually develop as Christians, the fact that I re-initiated daily devotion with my wife (and yes, she did come into it kicking and screaming), and the fact that I’m a television addict and a lazy pig, and getting stuff done becomes something of an challenge. However, I’m buckling down and writing this article about R. A. Vernon and his little princess.

You’ve likely heard of R. A. Vernon. He’s a Mand of Gawd out of Cleveland. And the good pastor has a daughter who apparently turned sixteen in the last year. Being the good father he is, the good pastor agreed to give his daughter a Sweet Sixteen birthday party. And being what appears to be the typical pimp pastor, her sweet sixteen party was something to watch.

Here is a video of the preparation for and execution of the party. When you finish, come back here and let’s talk. Click on that hyper link that says “This video only available on MTV.com” and you will be taken to the video of interest. Then you have to come back here. To be fair, I’m not sure how much of the dialog was for the filming and how much was a view into their hearts.

Did you notice the interior of the house that Chanae lives in? Here’s an outside shot.

I suspect that if I was careful enough, I could land a small plane on the property. And I’m not that good at short field landings.

Are we starting to recognize the pattern? The Passah has a house the size of Buckingham Palace. And the daughter, bless her spoiled little heart, gets everything she wants.

If you noticed, she flew to the Museum of Rock and Roll in “my dad’s plane.”

I’m not going to run down a list of observations about the daughter. She is what she is. In all probability (just in all probability) the child is not saved. While she shouldn’t necessarily want to play “Jesus Keep Me Near the Cross” at her birthday party, should she really have to be told not to play any “get down” music and not to have any wild dancing? Should she be thinking in terms of “show them that a religious person can have a good time”? Why should you have to show the unsaved anything except your character, your compassion, and your…well…your character?

I believe the total for the party was $25,000 – that’s twenty five thousand dollars, just so you can see it in words. The car I bought (on credit and I’m still paying for) cost $21,000. And it was a Saturn SUV. A Saturn SUV!

Of course my thing on this site is to warn you about the pimps, their lavish lifestyles – at your expense - and the generally bad doctrine most of them spew to convince you to support their lifestyles. But in this case, I’m only looking at the lifestyle and giving you an opportunity to see one of the lemmings who posted her own video to demonstrate that she is more than willing to help the man continue to indulge himself, his poor daughter, and the rest of his family.

The following clip allows you to hear what a mind numbed robot (MNR) sounds like. If I could get a couple of hundred of these MNRs to subscribe to my site, I would have my SR22 in no time. I could probably even convince them to pay for the maintenance and insurance.

Give a listen.

Notice that the member went through every one of the MNR defenses you have read on this site. And if you notice, she said them without hesitation. R. A. has done an excellent job of training her.

Accoring to her, hat he did was okay because:

1. He does a lot of good things
2. At least he didn’t buy her a $50,000 car that she can’t use until next year
3. He makes money on his own
4. God has blessed him and he is just blessing his family
5. Don’t be hating
6. You should not touch God’s anointed

Then she condemns us because according to her, people just don’t read their Bibles any more.

You gotta wonder how a woman who worked and thought her way to a Masters degree would decide to switch her brain off when it comes to Christianity and the issues of life and death. But these are the people who keep the pimps and wolves in business. These are the people who make the R. A. Vernons, the John Jenkins, and the T. Dexters possible.

Pulpit Pimps | 154 Comments »

Just thought I’d mention that I will be doing the Bible Study tonight at Stand Up Ministries. The study starts at 8 pm. I should have notes here shortly. Standup will also send them out to folks on their mailing list.

Make sure you have downloaded PalTalk and are all set up. This is your chance to tell me in person that I’m going to hell for touching God’s anointed Mend of Gawd.

If you don’t already have Paltalk, click on the Download button on the right side of the web page and follow the instructions. You must be able to play sound to hear the presentation.

10:25 am Local
The Outline/Notes for this PM.

The Pimps and Our Responsibility

1. The Overview
a. What’s out there
b. What the pimps do to the people
c. The responsibility of the pastors/elders
d. The responsibility of the believers

2. What’s out there
a. The truth (accurate and balanced presentation of the Gospel)
b. Straight up false teaching (cults, false religions, etc)
c. Truth with big dose of error (prosperity preaching, social gospel, wealthy apostles, bless to be blessed, ten-fold increase, faith as a substance, etc)
d. False teaching with the intent to fleece the sheeple

3. What the pimps do to the sheeple – Why not let God take care of it?
a. Shipwreck faith
b. Deceive the sheeple
c. Take advantage of people
d. Keep the sheeple poor –spiritually and financially

4. The responsibility of the pastors/elders
a. To encourage
b. To protect
c. To teach the truth
d. To discipline

5. The responsibility of the believer/layman
a. To study
b. To hide the Word in our hearts
c. To put the Word first – always
d. To be on the watch and to be alert

6. The Results of meeting our responsibilities
a. Maturing Christians
b. An effective witness to the community
c. The ability to share the Gospel
d. The ability to help those around us
e. The ability to stand up under persecution

Pulpit Pimps | 50 Comments »

Every time I lay out the blatant violations of one of the pimps, I can be guaranteed that one or more of you, even if it’s a drive by commenter, is going to bleat “Touch No-o-o-o-t God’s Anoooiiiinted!” The result of that bleating can, quite literally, be a beating or humiliation at the Mand of Gawd, and worse.

Before I go any further, I want you to understand something: Sherman Allen is a low life. As I have said, yes, we all fall short of the glory of God. But that doesn’t keep us from identifying and warning people about men who are obviously in the pastor thing for money, or sex, or both.

We’ve covered two sex pimps previously. There was your boy Terry Hornbuckle, now biding his time in prison and trying to avoid becoming some bad man’s girlfriend, and Earl Paulk, the man who finally admitted to being his nephew’s father…or his son’s uncle, or something; and who managed to convince several foolish women at the Holy Spirit Cathedral near Atlanta that God had ordained that they were to satisfy his sexual needs. Funny, I thought that was one of his wife’s privileges. I wish I could talk that smoothly to the mortgage company and convince them that God wants them to give me my house for free. But I digress.

Mr. Allen, Mr. Sherman Allen is pretty much Hornbuckle on steroids. According to the papers out of Dallas (do you think maybe it’s something in the water out there?). Sherman Allen, a pastor of the Church of God in Christ (COGIC) and been laying hands, paddles, and a host of other paraphernalia on a variety of women for quite some time.

While I will link you to the Dallas article, here , a sense of propriety prohibits me from describing some of the stuff this guy has been credibly accused of. When you finish, use the Melvinite Temple eye wash you bought after you read the Tonex posting.

The first question: What do we learn about the importance of right doctrinal understanding? Answer? It’s critical. Right doctrine protects the sheeple. It protect the pastor and the rest of the elders. It protects the name of Jesus Christ.

While I don’t by any stretch of the imagination, wish to imply that these women were at fault, I will maintain that a rightly taught congregation of men and women who are truly seeking God are not likely to fall into the kind of trap set by Mr. Allen. They are even less likely to have been misguided enought to hang around a church such as his.

Here’s what one of his victims said:

Kelly, the daughter of a Church of God in Christ pastor from California, says she accepted the beatings from Allen because he persuaded her that they were necessary for her spiritual growth. She trusted Allen, who calls himself a prophet and is known throughout black Pentecostal circles for his popular prophetic conferences, and deferred to his pastoral judgment because she was in awe of his knowledge and reputation as a man of God

Did you catch that? Spanky was able to convince her to take the whippings because she was in awe of his knowledge and reputation as a man of God. She accepted him as a prophet. He held lots of prophetic conferences. I’m willing to bet he’s held in such high regard because could quote a few Bible verses and tell a couple of stories from the Bible by memory. He could not possibly have been teaching them very much if she thought that getting whacked by a board was going to help her grow spiritually.

And you have be at least a little curious about what he said to convince her that a whack or two to the bum was the way to holiness? What he do, quote a couple of verses from the Gospel According to St. Paddy?

This guy is, in my view, an especially low sort of predator, half a step above child molesters. He apparently took serious advantage of these women’s (there are twentyof them standing in line to point the finger) ignorance, gullibility, and naiveté. He was willing to twist scripture and deceive these women just to engage in some really twisted…activities. I won’t call it sex. I hold sex in way too high a regard to besmirch it like that.

But again, the primary lesson out of this is not that perpetrators are in the church (obviously they are), but rather, we should study the Word for ourselves so we can spot them and see when leadership is failing to do its job.

The second question is: Why in the world did the COGIC ordain this bozo to begin with? According to the article, he was a warlock, a practitioner of Voodoo and was the pastor of a Spiritualist church. These are all things COGIC is very much opposed to.

I gotta wonder though, just what verses did he have her memorizing?

Pulpit Pimps | 148 Comments »

His voice thunders in the ears of his sheep,

“Give god your money! It’s not yours to keep!”

They listen, they write, they pass god the check.

Tears glisten on cheeks, but he’s not finished yet.

“Why are you robbing god?” He asks with contempt.

“All should pay! And you’re not exempt!”

He’s the little “g” god, the pimp, you know

Selflessness he will never show.

But what of the sheep with his tear stained face?

The one who in him his trust did place?

What of the ones who simply believed,

All the lies that he conceived?

And what of those who truly thought

That God could not possibly be bought?

You know, the ones who prayed the prayer,

And really accepted Christ while there.

And those who truly had no clue

What the earthly god was trying to do.

(MN: This poem was contributed by Illuminated1.)

Pulpit Pimps | 38 Comments »

A couple of people have pointed out the possibility that the site I have presented may not contain material that is from his hand; that it is actually a phantom site pretending to be his.

Another also suggested that I remove the contents of the posting until I can somehow verify the site as belonging to and written by Tonex. This seems prudent and the right thing to do.

While I’m not sure how, exactly, I can prove without a shadow of a doubt that the site belongs to Tonex, I will give it a good shot. If any of you have any suggestions I am certainly open to them. For me, the schedule of apperances and a couple of other things indicated authenticity. However, I will have to rethink this position.

Gosh I hope I didn’t make a mistake.

Pulpit Pimps | 160 Comments »

The site is apparently experiencing some technical difficulties. Comments don’t appear when you go to a specific article, apparently you can’t comment on the current posting’s content, and a couple of other things.

Maybe Independent Conservative was right!! Maybe I had better send some first fruits into one of the pimps so they can get rid of the spirit of glitches that seems to have fallen on my website.

I’ve gotten in touch with my VOPWM. I even sent him a couple of your e-mails that so clearly describe the problems. He should be able to work everything out for us. If not, I guess I’ll up my tithes and offerings to Paula White.

And I did so want to pay my mortgage this month. Oh well.

Pulpit Pimps | 13 Comments »

( On several occasions readers have written comments [in this case it was to another reader by the name of Bill] that are so on the money [and too long be presented as simply a comment] that I see the necessity of promoting those comments to full-fledged postings.

BooBoo’s Daddy made such a comment. His experience is one of the reasons I maintain the site. Telling you about it, marking the wolves, and making sure you understand that they are out there will perhaps equip you to a) avoid getting sucked into the same thing yourself and b) give you information to use in rescuing those who are trapped inside the WoF/Pimp organizations or c) help you understand that you CAN walk away from these pimps.

These types of postings also help all of you to understand what the effects on the individual can be and thereby encourage you to be more willing to be very patient with individuals as they work through the damage done by the pimps and pimpettes. From my point of view, this spiritual pimping is very much like sexual abuse perpetrated by the predators. It’s very difficult to get over and hey, the abuser blames the victim for the abusive behavior. )

Bill, you say that Joyce Meyer doesn’t run a cult, otherwise you wouldn’t be in it. Let me say that the people who are in cults think the same way! Nobody likes to think that they have been deceived,. They want to think they are smart enough to know better. I assure you that if Joyce Meyer teaches the prosperity gospel or that Jesus went to hell so you wouldn’t have to (and she does!), then she IS running a cult, and if you are supporting her, then YOU ARE in a cult and you don’t even know it!

What’s more, there is probably nothing anyone here can say to you that will convince you otherwise, and I for one will not attempt to do so. All anyone here can do for you is speak the truth. It’s up to God and you from there. If God can’t take some of what we say here and get it through to you, then you cannot be reached sir.

A few years ago, I supported Joyce Meyer with everything I had. I regarded her as a true, down to earth, sincere, and prosperous role model. I hung on every word that came out of her mouth as if they were the words of God straight to me. I never missed a show, and if I did, I watched her internet broadcasts. When she held her conferences in my area, I went to see her in person. I would do as she said to prove my commitment to God and take vacation days and drive 3 hours to Tulsa to see her preach at the ORU campus and drive 3 hours back home, justifying myself to God by reminding Him of these sacrifices.

Talking about sacrifice, not only did I give up a day’s pay to see her, but it was nothing for me to sacrifice $100 or more into the white buckets they’d pass around as offering plates, knowing all along that I’d have to sacrifice again when I didn’t have that money to pay a bill with! That, in addition to the hundreds of dollars I’d send her through the mail every month! In the typical Word of Faith fashion, I would then go to God in “prayer” and tell Him what He had to do (you [God] MUST keep your word; you MUST provide ‘pressed down, shaken-together’ etc; if I delight myself in you, you MUST give me the desire of my heart, ad nausea!).

Bill, that’s NOT praying! When a WoF preacher “prays” by saying “we bind you Satan, we come against all the powers of darkness, we rebuke all poverty and lack” etc, they are NOT praying to God! They are talking to the devil and speaking as if they were God Himself. It is NOT prayer. But I digress.

I absolutely LOVED Joyce Meyer! But God had other plans for me. I was DEEP into the Word of Faith . It was all I had ever known all my life. My grandmother latched onto the seed faith teachings of Oral Roberts back when it first came out. She taught my mother in the ways of the WoF, and my mother in turn taught us the same way!

I grew up thanking God for being numbered among those who knew the “truth!” Needless to say, I naturally equated the WoF to be the one and only WILL OF GOD, and anyone who believed otherwise was deceived and damned to hell! That being the case, I grew up feeling at one with all the T.V. ministers. I loved them ALL! As a young boy, I read Copeland’s “The Laws of Prosperity” and I was determined to make those laws work … after all they are LAWS and even God must abide by them!

But taking an honest look back over the past 30 years, I had to admit that they never worked for me. I grew up into my 40’s all along thinking there was something wrong with me. I would actually look at a mustard seed in the spice rack and wonder why my faith was so much smaller that that and didn’t work. Then I would get depressed because my faith was so much tinier than that mustard seed that God wouldn’t honor it.

I felt rejected by God. Sometimes that feeling of rejection made me angry at Him and there were times I actually told Him that he was a liar! That He WAS a respecter of persons; that He showed favoritism, and that He didn’t love me, even though I was doing everything I knew to do to keep with “His” teachings as I was taught them!

All that being said, let me say this: there was nothing wrong with my faith, so don’t even try to tell me “oh ye of little faith!” I’ve heard that all my life and now I know better. My faith was fine, but the problem was that my faith was in a LIE! The “god” I was mad at was NOT the God of the Bible! The “god” of the Word of Faith is a demon straight from HELL! I know that now, but therein lies the danger in Word of Faith teachings. The people in that CULT don’t even know who the TRUE God really is, and are damned as a result!

Back to Joyce Meyer. I supported her “ministry” with ALL of my substance, and I thought she was truly God speaking straight to me. But the more I gave to her, the poorer I got (the story of my life)! It wasn’t until I got down to where I was about to LOSE MY HOUSE the Lord began to act on the anguish inside me. I remember back in 2005, watching Joyce on T.V. One day she was talking about how she had brought her parents to St Louis and bought them a house close to her. She said “I was just in the mood to buy houses!” I almost screamed at her “why don’t you buy MINE for me?”

I pleaded with God to speak to her heart to send me a check and prevent the impending disaster facing me. Then I would know that God really heard me and loved me enough to finally do something after 30 years of giving!

But of course Joyce never did do that, and since I thought she was close to God and had his attentive ear, that it must be that God wanted me to suffer all the more! I couldn’t understand it. I had donated to her (God’s?) ministry, I helped her build her headquarters building and all the furnishings in it. According to her plea for funds back then, I was promised that I would “own” one square foot for each $100 I gave towards it (I gave $300, so I “owned” 3 square feet).

Had God forgotten that ????? Now I was in desperate need, had NOBODY to beg from like she did, and I felt God didn’t care. I told Him He was cruel and mean! But I still loved Him because even then, if I had given up on my ONLY hope, then I REALLY had no hope at all. Even then, I felt that my breakthrough might still come, so I’d pick myself up and apologize to God for my ill will towards Him.

Then one day, as I was watching Joyce on T.V. it seemed like literally “scales” fell from my eyes! Near the end of the show, as she was begging for donations, and her announcer came on talking about all her books that we could have for a “gift” of X-dollars, and then talked about “seeing Joyce in person” and hearing “Joyce preach the word as only she can do.” God Himself spoke to my spirit in that still small voice and told me “this isn’t about God, this is about JOYCE!” “Joyce” this, and “Joyce” that! And all the dollar signs on the T.V. screen seemed to “stick-out” like sore thumbs, and the whole thing smacked of one big long INFOMERCIAL about Joyce Meyer!!

That, my friend, was the beginning of my exodus from the Word of Faith! Each time I saw her show, it got even more disgusting to me … and I stopped giving to her. S L O W L Y, by putting a stop to the hemorrhage of money flowing out of my bank account to these people, I was able to recover somewhat, and I never did lose my house. But it was close. That, my friend was GOD showing me that He really did care about my financial well-being. He didn’t want my money!!!!! And not only did He NOT want my money, I was NOT cursed with a curse if I KEPT it !!!! That is freedom!

About the same time, I just happened to stumble upon this website, Pulpit-Pimps.org, and God has used this site TREMENDOUSLY to teach me the truth about where I had been all my life and that the Lord loved me enough to lead me out of it into the truth!

Unbeknownst to me, my mother, who had raised me in the WoF, had been led out of their heresy about a year before I had! She never told me though. I asked her why, and she said that I would have thought she was backslidden and lost in heresy forever. And she was right. Some other members of my extended family are not convinced, and there is a definite divide - but even that is mentioned in the Bible. That’s why I say that nothing any of us say will EVER convince you of the truth. You will just think that we are deceived and damned to hell. If God doesn’t get through to you, then YOU are not reachable. It’s as simple as that!

I know this is a LONG post, but before I stop there is some more I want to say about the Word of Faith.

The salvation of Jesus Christ is NOT about all the things that the Lord gives to His people! And people who seek the Lord for what He can give them are seeking Him for all the WRONG reasons! A person cannot receive the salvation of Christ unless first he realizes that he is a wretched sinner who deserves HELL, not all of the worldly stuff you WoF people clamor after! It’s not about getting all the STUFF. It’s about giving up their lives for HIM and becoming His slaves. Somehow you Word of Faith people have gotten that all backwards. You think salvation is about getting, and getting more It’s just STUFF, material worldly stuff, it’s CARNAL and ungodly! You think that all your STUFF is proof that you are blessed. There is one thing that is promised for sure to all true followers of Christ and that is PERSECUTION!

You Word of Faithers only think of earthly “blessings”. But God does not promise us the things of this world. Think about it What would it profit you to gain the whole world and lose your own SOUL? Copeland, Benny Hinn, Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen, Creflo Dollar, Paula White, all of those hellish creatures on TBN - I can’t even name all of the pulpit pimps on TV (and maybe even your pastor too by the way) all of them have their reward. They have their “Best Life Now” But they can’t take any of it with them where they go

What about later on? The Bible speaks of the rich man and Lazarus. That kind of reminds me of the relationship between all these RICH pastors and their pimped followers. I believe they will suffer the same fate!

God does promise us SPIRITUAL prosperity, but you Word of Faith people only think on things of this world. When people like you give expecting your 100-fold return, you are giving to GET !!!! But the true Jesus tells us to give, expecting NOTHING in return. Do any of you honestly do that? Neither are we supposed to give out of NECESSITY or of COMPULSION … tell THAT to all of the pimp preachers on TV who incessantly compel us to give to their ministries ad nausea! It’s WRONG! If any of them really believed what they “preach” then all they really have to do is give and expect their 100-fold return and leave their audiences ALONE! But they won’t ever do that, because they really don’t believe what they preach either. Otherwise they would practice what they preach. YOU are profitable to them, and they fear that if they don’t ask YOU for it, YOU won’t give it to them. YOU are their cash cow, not GOD.

I am not attacking you, so don’t even go there. I am speaking from a life of experience. As I said, I was all bound up and hog-tied in all that Word of Faith crap for almost 30 YEARS!!! I gave, and I gave. I did all of the right things according to our famous PIMPS! It was nothing for me to fork over almost everything I had … tithes and offerings above and beyond what was expected, because I BELIEVED what the pimps said. I thought that I was doing what GOD wanted, and I suffered the consequences of that for far too long.

Like Joyce Meyer always says “give until it hurts!” — “give SACRIFICIALLY!” My intentions were good. And I had faith. But my faith was in a LIE! I was sincere and honest, but I was sincerely and honestly WRONG. I think that the Lord really knew that, and finally got through to me to just STOP IT! Like, HELL-OOOOO! If this thing still doesn’t work after nearly 30 years, guess what - IT DOESN’T WORK!!

I see myself all over all of you defenders of these people. I was just like ALL of you. And a couple of years ago, I would have been standing right there by your side. That’s why I say that ONLY THE LORD will ever get through to you. Nobody could have EVER gotten through to me so I know that.

I guess you can tell I am just a little bit angry about this lie that is continuously propagated by the deluge of televangelists spewing this prosperity vomit into living rooms across this country and bringing millions to hell with them. But maybe somehow the Lord can use my experience to help lead someone else out of this DELUSION you call faith. It is another gospel, and the “Jesus” you think you worship will someday be crystal clear to you. I just hope that you find out who it really is before it’s too late. REALLY! The Bible is the truth, and it contains the way to the real Jesus. This Word of Faith gospel is pure MADNESS !!!!!

Pulpit Pimps | 154 Comments »

As most of you know, I started my own church last year. God has so blessed me that I am already the bishop of the Praise Immanuel Mighty Prince (P.I.M.P.) Temple of Wonderful Happenings and Experiences. I’ve decided that you people need to be as blessed as I am. I want you to move to the next level just as I have been able to move the temple to the next level. As such, I am giving you the opportunity to be blessed of God by sowing a seed into this powerfully anointed ministry and helping me to enlarge my territory (and maybe buy that new SR22) for church ministry.

Now, one of the reasons I’m so blessed is because I try to be a good steward of the property, money, and blessings God has given me. I try to spend as little as I can while keeping you informed of what God is telling me about you.

As such, I am using this site to get my ministry letter out to you. Rather than sending a letter to each of you (even with bulk mail that’s a lot of money in postage and envelopes), I want you to click here and read the PDF of the letter I wrote. Every place “fill in your name here” appears in parentheses, say your name , your first name so it will be as warm and familiar as I intend it to be.

Take a look at the letter so you can see what God told me about you and what He wants to do in your life. But you have to make sure you read it and obey it if you want God to act in your life. He can’t act until you do. That means if you fail to act, right now, you are going to continue to drag through your tired little life without any hope of the prosperity God is waiting to give you. So read it and obey it , NOW.

Oh, and if you’re in the neighborhood, give us a visit. Vicki “Boom Boom” Parker, former Exotic Dancer (the crass local newspapers continue to call her a stripper) and current praise leader at the P.I.M.P. Temple will be performing during praise and worship every Sunday morning. There’s no cover charge.

And remember, if you need a ride to the temple, we just…uh…acquired five more slightly used vans for the Transportation Ministry. All of the Vehicle Identification Numbers (VINs) have been modified so my Chief of Acquisitions, Keys McMillan should be safe from prosecution for the time being. I thought the new paint jobs were a nice touch too.

But back to the letter. Click here, read it, and send me Your Best Offering Now.

Pulpit Pimps | 32 Comments »