Posted by Melvin Jones on October 15th, 2007
(MN: Our favorite lightweight of the COGIC circuit, Little Stevie Wonder, put up a posting a couple of weeks ago. In it, he promoted that hysterical heretic Creflo Dollar. As a result, because he had way too much time on his hand, GaryV took a trip to Tennessee and sat in on one of the sessions at LSW’s church. He was suprised to find that it looked so much like “Wheel of Fortune. The only thing missing was Vanna.
We join the game already in progress. )
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the newest gameshow sensation sweeping the church,Creflo Dollar’s “WHEEL……….OF………….HERESY”!!
“That’s right folks, it’s the gameshow where the Bible is up for grabs and the stakes are eternal. I’m your host, Stephen F. Smith.” (wild applause, whistling)
“Now for our first contestant, say “Hello” to Mr. Reed D. Bible, a committed Christian missionary of over 35 years service to the Body of Christ in the foreign field.” (light smattering of applause).
“And once again, give a warm “Wheel Of Heresy” welcome to our returning champion who has won over $666,000 in Cashflo blessings and increase, Mr. Dustin DeWind.” (hearty applause mixed with tongues and animal noises).
“Now,you all know how the game is played. Just spin the Wheel Of Heresy and the pointer will stop on a specific Biblical doctrine. The player who correctly defines that doctrine will win the Cashflo Dollar Amount on that space and will get a chance to solve the puzzle on the Big Board.
“Before the show we cast lots to see who would go first,and Reed won. So give the Wheel your best spin Reed.”
Reed D. Bible: “Thanks Stephen!!”(whir whir whir…….)
LSW: “OK ,the Wheel has stopped on “The Nature Of Man.” Here’s the question……..”What is man’s relationship to his Creator??”
Reed: “Well Stephen,the Bible makes it clear that man is inherently depraved due to sin, and therefore we are separated from God.We are subordinate to and dependent upon Christ as our only hope of salvation.”
LSW: “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo, sorry Reed. That’s incorrect. Dustin, you get a shot at it.”
Dustin DeWind: “Well Stephen, man is equal with God, is actually a little god himself, and can create from nothing just like God by using the principles of faith.”
LSW: “CORRECT!!! That’s $150 Cashflo Dollars to you Dustin!! Care to take a shot at the puzzle on the Big Board?”
Dustin: “No,not yet. I want to build up my Cashflo Cash first.”
LSW: “A brilliant strategy Dustin”.
Reed. D. Bible: “Wait a minute……..the Bible doesn’t say anything LIKE that.”
WA-WA-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA……..
LSW: “OH, sorry Reed. You set off the Pharisee Finder. That’ll cost you your Lightning Round Money Cometh Anointing.Now Reed, don’t close your spirit to new revelation. You gotta get past the letter. It’s your spin.”
Reed:“Errrr…..OK.” (whir whir whir).
LSW: “The Wheel has stopped on “Biblical Characters”. Here’s the question…….”Why did John The Baptist get his head cut off??”
Reed: “Because he stood against the evil of his day embodied in Herod Antipas, and God in His Sovereignty determined that John’s course was run and that this death would serve to most glorify The Savior. The Bible warns that all who will live Godly in Christ will suffer persecution and that we must be faithful even unto death.”
LSW: “Oh,too bad. That’s incorrect. Dustin, the question goes to you.”
Dustin DeWind: “Well Stephen, the Bible promises us wealth and happiness and long life if we work the principles of faith, so obviously John The Baptist lacked the faith to get out of jail and live and prosper.”
LSW: “WOW!! You’re on FIRE today Dustin!! That’s another $500 in Cashflo Cash!! Ready to hit the Big Board??”
Dustin DeWind: “One more round first………I’m looking for Increase!!”
Reed D. Bible: “WAIT JUST A MINUTE…….the Bible says that among those born of women, no man was greater than John the Baptist in his prophetic office. How can you say he lacked faith?? What about the faithful in Hebrews 11 that suffered persecution, hunger, lack, poverty, and death??”
LSW: “Did you hear something Dustin??”
Dustin DeWind: “Nope.”
LSW: “Me neither. Dustin,this is the final round and the last spin is yours because you have answered all questions in a Creflologically correct manner, and Reed has forfeited due to his Pharisaical attitude and lack of love. Spin the Wheel Of Heresy and try to get the largest amount of Cashflo Cash, then if you solve the puzzle you get all the Cash PLUS one hundred-fold increase. ”
Dustin DeWind: “Praise Creflo Stephen!! (whir whir whir)
LSW: “WHOA THERE!!! Your faith and anointing must be at an all time high!! Those Cashflo tapes are really paying off…………you hit the $50,000 spot!! Even after your mandatory 10% (plus love offering) to Creflo, that’s some REAL money!! But first you must solve the puzzle on the Big Board!!”
Dustin DeWind: “Well, here goes Stephen……..errrrr……errrrr……errrrrrrr……..
LSW: “Problem Dustin??”
Dustin DeWind: “Well, it’s just I don’t recognize this particular Scripture. Are you sure it’s in the Bible??”
LSW: “Time’s running down……….5-4-3-2-1 BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!! “OHHHHHHHH………sorry Dustin. You didn’t solve the Big Board, and your reign as champion is over. Can we turn around all the letters and see the Big Board puzzle?”
2 Peter 2:1 “But there were also false prophets in Israel, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will cleverly teach their destructive heresies about God and even turn against their Master who bought them. Theirs will be a swift and terrible end. 2 Many will follow their evil teaching and shameful immorality. And because of them, Christ and his true way will be slandered. 3 In their greed they will make up clever lies to get hold of your money. But God condemned them long ago, and their destruction is on the way.”
LSW: “Well, thank you all for tuning in to WHEEL……..OF…….HERESY!! Buh Bye now!!!”
Dustin DeWind: “No!! WAIT!! I’ve never seen that verse in my Creflo Dollar Study Bible!! WAIT!! WAAAAAAAIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!”
Announcer: “This was Wheel Of Heresy, a CrefloDollar Production brought to you by our friends at Oral Roberts University. ORU…….home of the world’s only soft,fluffy,two-ply Doctorates on a roll.”
(MN: I got an e-mail from a pathetic who follows after Creflo and the rest. He spent a significan amount of electrons telling me that all we are supposed to do is love and that I am being prideful and judgmental. He further said that Creflo and the rest of the pimps are teaching the same foundation as the rest of us and that we should leave them alone. I’m simply being driven by arrogance and pride.
These pimps are doing people grave damage, putting most in danger of the very hell-fire they never preach about. Think about it - when’s the last time you heard Creflo preach about hell? )
Dr. Creflo Dollar, Pulpit Pimps | 150 Comments »