Have you ever noticed how the pimps usually want to have stuff both ways?  Paula White wasn’t satisfied to be the pastor of the Church Without Walls.  She also became a life coach and started working with Tyra Banks.   I have to admit though, I haven’t been keeping track of how many times she has appeared on Tyra’s show (if any) since her first appearance well over a year ago.  I guess being a “life coach” gives you access to a larger pool of money than if you limit yourself to taking money from the sheeple.  And apparently, her example has inspired other people to get on the Life Coach bandwagon.   Click on the thumbnail below and see who, besides Paula and Joel “Willow Boy” Osteen has joined the ranks of life coach. 

 

 

 

You may or may not have heard of Donald Hilliard.  He has been developing for at least the last fifteen years.  I first ran across him at First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering – before it was on the Kettering, led by John K. Jenkins.  He seems to be a step or two up from John K. but nowhere near the star power of T. Dexter, Cashflow, or Kenny Copeland.  If I remember correctly, he made it to bishophood five or six years ago. 

 

Now that he’s a bishop at the Church of More Money and Power in Perth Amboy (okay, I lied.  The church is actually called the Cathedral International —The Historic Second Baptist Church in Perth Amboy), New Jersey, perhaps he has decided to expand his repertoire and become a life coach as well.  Of course, since he’s a bishop in his real job, he can’t just be a life coach like Paula.  Donnie H.  is an EXECUTIVE life coach and a PROFESSIONAL mentor. 

 

Here’s what Donnie H. says about “mentoring“.

 

 “This is where visions become reality!” says Hilliard. “Even the most successful people in the world have mentors and coaches from Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Oprah Winfrey and Ken Chenault to Debra Lee, Melody Hobson, Dick Parsons and Kevin Liles. They are all incredibly accomplished people. Each of them have mentors who guided and helped navigate them to the next level in business and other areas of their lives. It’s not always easy to find someone who is willing to make the commitment to be a mentor. My heart leads me to share the gift of vision that GOD has given to me with anyone who desires to establish a secure course in their business and personal lives.”

Maybe I’m not getting it.  But it seems to me folks who claim to be Christian leaders (you know, the bishop thing) would be more Christ-centric.  But if you take a look at the original ad, you notice an interesting thing.  There is no mention of God.  There is, however, a big appeal to “ME”. 

 

First, a triple of questions:

 

1.  How many of you believe mentoring can be done in a week end?  Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me mentoring is a years long process.  It’s something you accomplish over a period of years as you are involved in another person’s life.  You could even say it’s a little like discipling.   Even T. Dexter knows this.  He has a long term mentoring relationship with John K. Jenkins.

2.  Do any of you really believe that by sending this pimp $175 and listening to him and several other folks speak for a week-end I’ll be mentored?  I doubt it.  The only things I’ll have accomplished at the end of the weekend will be the loss of $175 and the weekend.  Let’s ay one hundred people show up for the seminar.  Are all one hundred going to be mentored by him?  Or let’s say twenty show up this time and eighty over the previous three seminars.  Again, is he going to mentor all one hundred of these dudes and dudettes?

 

Third question:  What is vision casting?  I guess it sounds pretty good, but so does most of the techno-babble they spout on Star Trek:  The Next Generation.  If you’ve watched ST:TNG even a couple of times, you’ve heard Geordi or Data explain to the Captain Picard that the ship is a sitting duck because the Ion Flux Modulator is stuck in the manual position, or the High Energy Tachyon Conduit has developed a leak in the Magnetic Link Collimator. 

 

It’s the same thing with these people.  They put together a bunch of words until they come up with something that sounds impressive, even if it doesn’t mean anything at all.  In this case they settled on the words “Vision Casting.”  Yes, it’s the name of his company, but the combinations of words don’t mean anything as far as I can tell.  Maybe one of you Hilliard drones can help me out here. I used to locate people who had liens against them and collect on them for the owners of the liens and judgments.  My company was called Wolf Recoveries.  The name meant something.

 

Oh, and of course it’s not enough for this to be Vision Casting weekend.  The one they held in Atlanta (the greatest city in the South and my hometown, by the way) was a SUPER Vision Casting Weekend.  I’m not sure what the difference is between the two.

 

I’m still trying to figure out if this is a religious event or a secular one.  In the item I refer to by hypertext, Donnie H. mentions God.  But on the e-flyer, there is nothing but an emphasis on “me”, an experience, and promises of super vision casting. 

 

You know, I’m becoming more and more convinced that I am in the wrong business.  I mean, only in pastoring a bunch of sheeple can you go from being a humble shepherd to being the bishop of a big, multi-thousand member church, a professional mentor, and an executive coach, able to charge people nearly two hundred dollars a pop so they can learn how to cast visions.   Maybe I should go to that International Friends place, buy my doctorate and start making a few bucks.

Pulpit Pimps | 28 Comments »

 

If you’ll recall, toward the end of last month, Aubrey Thomas present several gentlemen as real live, authentic prophets. During the discussion, he directed us to a couple of sites. At those sites, the authentic prophets stated that there would be a couple of massive explosions, one on the West Coast and another on the East Coast. In fact, said part of the prophecy, the people would be running in the streets as they did at 9/11.Some place in the dialog, I agreed to wait until the end of the month (June is over) before I passed judgment on the authentic prophets. In fact, here is a quote from one of the authentic prophets:

The Lord showed me in a very sober way that the White House, The Capitol building and the president of the United States are coming under a severe attack. The inhabitants of Washington D.C. will run through the streets as did the inhabitants of New York City on 9-11.

The last day o f June was two weeks ago. I just checked the paper and guess what? No one is running through the streets in Washington DC (I live right outside of DC). As a result, I can confidently state that the authentic prophet’s prophecy DID NOT COME TRUE. That means he is a false prophet.

A question: Will Aubrey man up and dump these clowns? Or is he going to find a way to explain away their false prophecy? Though I would love for him to prove me wrong, I’m betting he’s going to find a way to explain away their failure.

We’ll see. I’ll post any comment he has as soon as he makes it.

Christian Living, Pulpit Pimps | 93 Comments »

(MN:  GaryV actually sent this in at least a week ago.  But I had to find a source to make sure the bejeweled ear was not, in fact, a modified photo.  I did.  I went an album apparently approved by T. Dexter.  And sure enough, he had his earring in his left ear in many of the photographs.  Sorry it took so long GaryV.  )

Apparently Jakes has caught some SERIOUS flack for his bling-bling, because he actually went to the trouble to have his enormous diamond earring AIRBRUSHED OUT of the wedding photos viewable to the public.  The following picture is a ”Before Criticism” shot.  Follow the link for the “After Criticism” photos…

And here is evidence that the “After” photo was done at Jakes’ behest by “Essence”, to which Jakes gave exclusive permission to disseminate the photos (likely for a sizable “offering”).

Essence Photo

I’ll just say that this action says quite a lot about Jakes as a man and a minister. Does having the earring AIRBRUSHED OUT mean he didn’t wear it?? No, all it does is give the APPEARANCE he didn’t wear it, thereby stopping CRITICISM.

Now, is there anything WRONG with wearing an earring?? Nope. So, why would he not simply stand up against the criticism?? Why is this man so weak-kneed?? Why is he willing to be blatantly deceptive rather than bear just some mild salvos from a few legalists??

Is it any wonder he crumbled like a stale cookie when confronted about homosexuality by the Gay “Christian” group SoulForce recently by allowing this unrepentant group to meet with top staff for “discussions” and a meal at the Potter’s House rather than abide by Scripture??

9 I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. 10 Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I have written to you not to keep company WITH ANYONE NAMED A BROTHER, who is SEXUALLY IMMORAL, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner–NOT TO EVEN EAT WITH SUCH A PERSON.”

So what Does Jakes do to keep from having the world criticize him?? He tosses out the Bible and not only allows them to “keep company” with the high level staff at the Potters Outhouse, he has a meal with them too just to be certain he violated the ENTIRE command of Scripture.

Is it any wonder he can’t stand up Biblically to “Christian” homosexuals when he can’t even stand up against those who criticize his earring??

Is it any wonder he jumps on the secular AIDS prevention bandwagon rather than abide criticism for proclaiming Biblical call to abstinence when he can’t even handle his earring situation like a man??

Is it any wonder we can’t get a definitive statement on the Trinity from Jakes which would entail genuine criticism for his Oneness beliefs when he folds like an accordion over a mere earring??

Where are the MEN of God these days like Stephen, and Polycarp, and Agapius, and Wycliff, and Tynedale, and Ridley, and Cranmer, and women like Apollonia, and Blandina and a host of others who not only endured mere CRITICISM for Christ, but endure torture unto death rather than deny Him??

No, today we have willows like Joel Osteen and Rick Warren and TD Jakes rather than oaks like Luther and Spurgeon and Athanasius.

I know it’s just an earring, but it’s indicative of so much more, and makes so many of his other refusals to stand for Christ clear. He wants the adulation of the world rather than the reproach of the Cross. And he’s willing to airbrush ANYTHING out of the picture, including the Bible and Christ, to keep it.

Pulpit Pimps, T. Dexter Jakes | 112 Comments »

 

One of the neat things about running a blog is the fact that I can focus on something to the degree that I choose to focus on it.

Recently, much to my surprise, I found out that someone has apparently confronted a nephew of John K. Jenkins, the pastor of First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering. And the perpetrator said some pretty rough things. The bull necked security folks have apparently decided that I may have been the perp. Would you care to tell me why they thought I might be the perp? Or is this an attempt to besmirch me and the site?

And you people thought I was being self-centered when I reported that the security weenies at First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering had been watching me the last time I went there.

These people don’t care about you. They are interested only in keeping the museum, mausoleum, and memorial going. They care only about making sure that John K. Jenkins, the pastor of First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering stays in the limelight and in the big dog wannabe seat.

As I said in a response to a reader, to my knowledge I have never seen the nephew of John K. Jenkins, the pastor of First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering. I don’t know where the kid shops. I don’t know what his mom looks like. I don’t know anything about any of them. More than that, I am not interested in any of them.

John K. Jenkins, the pastor of First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering is a pulpit pimp. I know he’s a pimp. And the longer I get to post comments on him, the more people around me will know he is a pimp. I suspect HE knows he’s a pulpit pimp. And I even suspect that as more and more people figure this out, and as they begin to understand how much damage he has done to them and their families, someone may develop an “I Was Pimped by JKJ” recovery and support group. I’d be glad to design and sell the tee shirt.

I guarantee you, I have better things to do than threaten some sixteen year old. As I said in the previous comment, this site is more fun than a human being should be allowed to have. It’s also quite legal and quite safe. I wouldn’t dream of jeopardizing it, my honor, or my freedom on some half-pint pulpit pimp.

Let’s see what happens as people begin to see just how twisted the pastor of First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering is. Let’s see if he has the testicular mass to stand on what he has been saying and doing or if he will fold like a rickety lawn chair.

Hmmm. Having people upset with him might make it difficult to actually enjoy the money and comfort he has extorted from the members of his clu- er church.

Pulpit Pimps | 106 Comments »

 

Okay people.

I thought I would let you know that come this Thursday, Melvin, the Benevolent Dictator. will come out of his little kingdom and try his hand/mind at a real time debate - with a full preterist by the name of Don Preston. Here’s the press release announcing the event:

June 26, 2008, 8 PM EDT:

Covenant Radio will be hosting another Eschatology debate between Don Preston and Melvin Jones.  This broadcast will be live as usual at http://live.covenantradio.com)

Debate details:

Don Preston:

Resolved:  The Bible Teaches that the New Heaven and Earth arrived at the time of the passing of the Old Covenant World of Israel at the destruction of Jerusalem in A.D. 70.

Melvin Jones:

Resolved: The Bible teaches that the New Heaven and Earth is yet future, and will occur at the end of the 1000 year Messianic reign of Christ on the earth.

Mr. Preston is apparently well known in both Preterist and debating circles.  It should be interesting at the very least.

Christian Living, Pulpit Pimps | 80 Comments »

 

I’m a grandad, again.  Last week, June 18th, at 11:05 pm, Elizabeth Ruth Jones, daughter of William and Cara Jones, came into the world.  She weighed seven pounds, eleven ounces and was twenty inches long.  Though the mother was late and was facing a potential cesarean, she was able to deliver vaginally.

Oh, and apparently William was able to cut the umbilical to launch the child into this life. One umbilical down, one more in about twenty-one years.

Pulpit Pimps | 33 Comments »

I’ll be out of town for a few days. My sister died several days ago and I am going to the funeral in Atlanta. She’s being cremated.

She became a member of a Baptist church (Woods Memorial Baptist Church in Atlanta) several months ago. I am planning on talking to the pastor to see what membership means to them. While she pretty much rejected Christianity in favor of Oprah’s hellish New Age trash, there is still the possibility…

Jan and Me

Pulpit Pimps | 89 Comments »

You know, I didn’t realize that wide-girthed weasels could survive for very long in their natural habitats. But apparently they can.

All of you know how virulently anti-catholic John Hagee is. I’ve listened to his broadcast on occasion and have heard him call them some pretty…uh… creative names.

But a couple or three weeks ago, the press brought this fact to the attention of the general public, the unsaved general public. According to Fox News he said something to the effect of:

Hagee, leader of a San Antonio megachurch, has referred to the Roman Catholic Church as “the great whore” and called it a “false cult system” and “the apostate church” — “apostate” means someone who has forsaken his religion.

This kind of language didn’t go over very well with the Catholics, the Democrats, or the Republicans. A firestorm ignited around McCain and, by extension, Hagee. Hagee had spoken his mind and got unexpectedly hammered by the press. I’ll be the portly preacher was a bit surprised by the whole thing.

After a month plus of constant complaints from the press, comparisons to Reverend J Wright, and other such experiences, Hagee apparently had a major epiphany (are there minor epiphanies?). Here’s a portion of the letter the rotund reverend wrote to the Catholic League:

“Out of a desire to advance greater unity among Catholics and Evangelicals in promoting the common good, I want to express my deep regret for any comments that Catholics have found hurtful. After engaging in constructive dialogue with Catholic friends and leaders, I now have an improved understanding of the Catholic Church, its relation to the Jewish faith, and the history of anti-Catholicism.” [WSJ]

Again these people prove they are not the equal of the Reformers. Here’s what Martin Luther said about the Catholic Church/pope:

If the pope were the head of the Christian Church, then the Church were a monster with two heads, seeing that St. Paul says that Christ is her head. The pope may well be, and is, the head of the false Church. Where the linnet is, there is also the cuckoo, for he thinks his song a thousand times better than the linnet’s. Even thus, the pope places himself in the Church, and so that his song may be heard, overcrows the Church. The cuckoo is good for something, in that its appearance gives tidings that summer is at hand; so the pope serves to show us that the last day of judgment approaches. There are many that think I am too fierce against popedom; on the contrary, I complain that I am, alas! too mild; I wish I could breathe out lightning against pope and popedom, and that every word were a thunderbolt. [Luther]

And I daresay he never apologized.

So then is Hagee saying Catholocism is as valid as Christianity? Is he saying that the two are compatible and that we should work together to make the world a better place? It seems to me he’s going to have a hard time explaining the flip-flop to his congregation. I mean, one minute the Catholic Church is just one step below the Antichrist, or at least in bed with him. And the next the church is an entity with which we should have greater unity.

Huh?! Greater unity? What exactly would this unity be based on? Sure, I as an individual can work with Catholics to get stuff done. I can hire them to work in the soup kitchen with me. But do you really think First Baptist Church of Dirtpoor Idaho should join forces with the Church of the Sacred Dirt Scratchers across the street to run a homeless shelter?

While I wouldn’t call the Catholic Church the “great whore,” let’s face it – Catholicism is not consistent with the Bible and people who follow its doctrines will die in their sins. Are the members horrible monsters who want to corrupt the world and make way for the antichrist? Certainly not. My brother and his wife are Catholic and they are nice people. All his children are Catholic. Are they little mini-Harlots? No! Are they Christians? Not from what I can tell, and certainly not as a result of what they believe. But they aren’t horned demons waiting to lure people to their doom either.

If Hagee believed what he said, he should stick with it. And if it makes McCain’s life more difficult, I’m not seeing that as a problem. I never did much like McCain anyway.

Hagee | 29 Comments »

It’s like dealing with Freddy Kreuger or that fellow in the hockey mask. You think you’re rid of the guy and – SURPRISE!! – he pops up again.

Take a look at the web flyer. Yeah, it’s old. The event happened late last month. But the good thing about examples of pimpery is the fact that they are timeless. A pimp event last month is as good an example as a pimp event planned for next month. The only difference is that I might be able to warn some of you away from one scheduled for next month. But I digress.

Take a couple of minutes, go back to the flyer and read it. Try to read all of it, all the details. When you get back, I have a few questions.

First question: Other than supposedly being orchestrated by God, what has God got to do with any of the goings on at the conference? I did a little bit of digging around and many of the speakers are pastors, either of their own churches or along with their husbands. How is this consistent with Scripture?

Second question: How many times have these people offered conferences to help you overcome past hurts, setbacks, and misunderstandings? It seems that between them and Jakes, the women are loosed, restored, transformed and enlightened at least once a week. If folks are attending a functioning church, isn’t that what the people around them are for? Why do you have to travel to another county or state to overcome? Besides, isn’t that overcoming done through the Spirit of God? (Yeah, I know it was more than one question. But as the writer, editor, and publisher of this blog I get to do that every once in a while.)

Third question: Why is that loser JunieB presenting ANYTHING at this conference? Apparently her entire life consists not just of being hurt, but hurting as well. I mean, for goodness sake, JunieB telling us about being a winner is like ex-New York Governor Spitzer telling us about chastity. Or Bill Clinton telling us about honesty.

Fourth question: If this event is so much about Christ, why do they have such things as regular seating and VIP seating? Does the extra 15 bucks make me more important than the slob that comes in with only $25? Do I get to rub elbows with the speakers?

Fifth question: Is it just me or is Bridget actually something of a middle aged babe?

Pulpit Pimps, The Hilliards | 69 Comments »

(MN: The quote is actually from an author by the name of Ryan. It is published through Todd’s site and apparently has his full blessing. However, I mistakenly attributed this specific quote to Todd. )

This is the new face of Christianity, complete with chin stud and brow piercing.

This guy is like the WoFers on steroids. Here’s an except from one of his sermons:

In recent months, the Lord has taken me up several times, in the Spirit, to a particular place in the Heavenly realm. I call this place the land of promises. This place was lush and flourishing with the life of God. The very atmosphere of this place was radiating with the presence of the Lord. It had the feeling of Spring when all things are new and refreshing. All around I could see rainbows reminding me of the promises of God throughout His word and the personal promises and prophecies that have been delivered from His mouth to His people throughout history. I instinctively knew that this was the place where these promises were found, activated, and brought down to the earth realm. God is currently speaking something at this time to the Body of Christ about His promises and the fulfillment of them in these end-times. (Fresh Fire)

Like the rest of the Five Fold/Apostolic/Fresh Revelation crowd, this guy is more than willing to deliver a message that is purely experience based.

This first paragraph, from a “sermon” he delivered is pure experience and completely divorced from anything in the Bible. For instance:

1. The Lord has taken me up several times – And how, exactly, do we know that this experience you had is from God and not Chipotle’s?

2. “The place was lush and flourishing with the life of God” – This sounds nice, but what does it mean?

3. “Atmosphere radiating with the presence of God” – Not only does he make heavy use of the usual Five Fold and WoF language (atmosphere this and atmosphere that), but he even pulls in the “presence” deal. When Israel experienced the presence of God in the Temple, and they had to get out of there. Others got an overwhelming sense of their own unworthiness.

4. “All around me I could see rainbows”… - So how did he know he wasn’t at a Lamda (i.e. homosexual) convention or something?

5. He instinctively knew that the place he was in was the place where God’s promises were found, activated, and brought down to the earth realm – Okay, is this like one of the warehouses that the rest of the WoF flakes natter on about?

6. “God is currently speaking something at this time to the Body of Christ about his promises and the fulfillment of them in these end times” – So again, we have extra-biblical stuff being fed to those who are foolish enough to suck it up

I’m not even going to give much attention to the piercings. Yes, they make him look like some shaman or Durid mystic. They make him look just like the increasingly outrageous folks out there. I’ve gotten to the point that I can at least tolerate a stud in a guy’s ear. I can tolerate it. But it seems that giving way a little only causes the trend to go even further. What next, a belly ring and a couple of nipple rings as well? I wouldn’t even be surprised if he went bare-chested to show of those rings. I know. Maybe he’s imitating Christ who was pierced for our transgressions.

Todd is a prime example of why right doctrine is so very, very important. Listening to his “sermons” it becomes incredibly obvious that he is lying to his audience. No, wait. Let me rephrase that since he may actually believe what he is saying. Listening to his “sermons” it is incredibly obvious that he is feeding them a bunch of lies that, at best, have a passing connection to Scripture and at worst set his audiences up for tremendous losses. I have to wonder how many people have had their faith virtually destroyed by guys like this.

Another section in that same presentation says:

Many of us try and try to see the promises of God’s word fulfilled through some rational ascent and belief in the Word of God. But the Word of God is simply meant to lead us into an encounter with the Author of the book. John 5:39-40 says, “You search the scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life.” It’s ludicrous to think that a husband and wife should expect to conceive and give birth to a baby without first experiencing intimacy together. In the same way, we as believers can’t just go to the Word and see the Lord’s promises (of a great healing revival, for example) and expect to see it happen just because we read it. Mighty demonstrations of God’s power and glory are only birthed and manifested on the earth “through” ones who have learned to encounter the Lord in intimacy.

Again, let’s examine his proclamation, recognizing that at best he twists what little scripture he uses, and works without any at all in most areas.

1. “We try to see the promises of God’s word fulfilled through some rational ascent and belief in the Word of God” – How foolish of me. The Bible is simply intended to guide me to an experience.

2. “Mighty demonstrations of God’s power and glory (experience) are only birthed and manifested on the earth “through” the ones who have learned to encounter the Lord in intimacy” – In other words, those who can have certain experiences (real, faked, or imagined) are the ones who have an intimate relationship with Christ. And since he has these experiences around him, then obviously he can tell us about God; and can tell us what God has to say to the church. Never mind the Bible. It means what they say it means.

I tell you again: Right Doctrine is important. In fact, it’s critical. Without it, you are tossed about by every wind of doctrine. Todd says you have to birth Christ and you believe it. Some other Bozo says you have to walk in Apostolic power and authority, and you believe that. But Jesus Christ says you have to be willing to die to yourself before you can bear much fruit. You have to be willing to lose your life in order to keep it to life eternal (John 12:24-26). And let’s face it: Todd’s “promises” are a whole lot more exciting than Jesus’. You can impress and intimidate a lot more folks with Todd’s approach than you can with Jesus’. But Todd’s approach leads only to disappointment and loss. You even run the risk of having Jesus tell you to depart from Him because He never knew you.

Then again, if I go with Todd’s approach, I get to wear a chin stud and all kinds of odd rings on my face. And who wouldn’t want to do that?

Pulpit Pimps, Todd Bentley | 73 Comments »

Always remember – bad doctrine can result in very poor living, and a very smelly bathroom.

Recently a woman and her pastor were busted by the Juneau County Sheriff’s Department in Wisconsin. The crime? Keeping a dead body on the toilet seat in the ONLY bathroom in the house.

At this point you might ask: Why did the woman have a dead body sitting on her toilet?

The answer: Because her pastor/bishop (Alan Bushey) told her that if she prayed hard enough God would bring the woman (Magdeline Alvina Middlesworth) back to life.

Oh, and did I tell you the woman, Tammy D. Lewis, had two children ages 12 and 15 (male and female respectively). They had to use a bucket in the closet as a bathroom.

Am I saying that if you follow T. Dexter, Creflo, or a host of other pimps you might end up with a dead body on your toilet, stinkin’ up the whole house? Certainly not. But you will depart from the truth and power of the Gospel you will miss all of the blessings, the real blessings, God has provided for the believer.

Doctrine is important. Without right doctrine you cannot live the Christian life. Without right doctrine, you cannot grow in Christ; you cannot, as it says in Colossians 1:10 “…be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual understanding…and increase in the knowledge of God.” It just won’t happen.

Instead, you will get wrapped up in chasing money (while looking spiritual), rebuking Satan (while he keeps you blinded), and making your kids go to a closet to take a crap because grandma is sitting on the toilet.

Christian Living, Pulpit Pimps | 31 Comments »

This is such an easy job! The fish practically jump in the boat! And I don’t have to go looking under every rock for these creepy critters. They come to me and let me know what they are doing. In fact they often brag about it

Take T. Dexter for example. He had his “Back2Bible” conference coming up in about a week. And they’re going to have some dynamite teachers/preachers covering some dynamite topics. In fact, according to the flyer on T. Dexter’s site, they promise that “(F)undamental philosophies such as redemption, salvation, prayer, the blood covenant and the resurrection will all be discussed during this three-day event.”

Hold on there cowboy!! Philosophies? Since when are the central teachings of Christianity simply philosophies? Philosophies are systems of principles for guidance in practical affairs. Redemption is not a principal. It’s not a philosophy. God’s covenant with man is not a principle. It’s certainly not a philosophy. And certainly the resurrection is not a philosophy. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (or in the case of the Pimps – do unto others before they do unto you) is a philosophy.

T. Dexter Jakes – the next Billy Graham. Right.

In Back2 Bible, T. Dexter is presenting such luminaries as Ken Ulmer and Tommy Tenney. And notice they are described as great orators. So this means what? That we’ll be impressed with their speaking skills while they feed us lies and errors? Apparently so.

Here’s a mug shot of the perpetrators. And as usual, they are regular founts of screwed up doctrine and pimpological expertise extraordinaire.

As an example, Tommy Tenney is the author of “The God Chasers” and “God’s Dream Team”. Here’s a quote from “The God Chasers”:

My life changed forever on the October weekend in Houston, Texas, when God’s presence invaded the atmosphere like a thunderbolt and split the podium at the Sunday service.
Chapter 6, page 83.

In “God’s Dream Team” he says:

There have always been dreamers. Men and women who catch a glimpse of something beyond themselves who dare to reach for goals and visions … Yet no earthly dreamer can match the greatest of them all, the Dreamer who died on the cross to make His dream a reality. John 1:1 says, “In the beginning was the Word.” The literal meaning of logos, the original Greek term translated as “Word,” is idea, thought or blueprint. It is an ancient Greek theatrical term describing the work of a playwright as he conceives, or dreams up, the plot of a play. So we could say, “In the beginning was the dream
God’s Dream Team, page 22

Did you catch that? One of the featured speakers at T. Dexter’s conference says Jesus was a dreamer. In fact, at the end he says that Jesus is the dream.

By the way, though he doesn’t exactly advertise it, Mr. Tenney is a Oneness proponent as well. Shouldn’t be surprised though. After all, T. Dexter is a Oneness preacher too. But neither of these guys has ‘nads to say so. After all, people aren’t quite stupid enough to completely ignore the fact that he denies one of the central tenets of Christianity. They’re getting there, but they’re not there just yet.. And as you would expect, Tenney’s theology is just as screwed up as T. Dexter’s.

Then there’s the woman preacher, Bishop Dr. Cynthia James. I can just see it now. T. Dexter has been busy feminizing men for the last ten years. Now he brings in a woman to ramp up the feminization efforts even more. And of course, she has ties, through folks like Dave Copeland (an up and coming Word of Faith fellow out of Texas [of course], to Fred Price, the Apostate Apostle of Word of Faith poison.

Ken Ulmer runs a church out of an old coliseum in Los Angeles. And during the week, to pay for the place, he rents it out to various rock groups and other performers of…uh…questionable character. He’s also the guy who, several years ago, came up with the book “A New Thing,” in which he proposes that many of the unbiblical practices and teachings he and his ilk are promoting are not wrong. They are simply new. Thus the non-stop screeching and hollering during that which they call worship are something new, not something stupid. Of course you wouldn’t expect an associate of T. Dexter to be any better at understanding God than the man the world is trying to give us to be the next great theologian of the church.

But enough of these clowns. Let’s take a look at one of my favorite pimps – Fast Eddie Long.

Fast Eddie is working a slightly new angle now. Here’s a shot from Fast Eddie’s web page What’s one of the first things you notice about it? Time’s up!!

That’s right! As usual, the entire site content focuses on Fast Eddie. There is a mention of God in Fast Eddie’s note to you. But that’s it. The rest of the stuff is Fast Eddie’s name, Fast Eddie’s picture, information about conferences featuring Fast Eddie or his wife, Mrs. Fast Eddie.

I’ve been watching some of Fast Eddie’s “sermons” lately. And though I have to fight the urge to whisper “Watch this! Watch this!” when I give a briefing at work, I’m going start on summarizing some of the poisoned pabulum and heresies he has been developing over the last year.

The man isn’t simply a pimp. He is a pimp’s pimp. In fact, I think he should get rid of the remodeled Benz he drives and start tooling around in this car. It fits his character and his scams much better. And yes, you’re right, that’s Ron O’Neal’s car from Super Fly (a movie that was out back when I had hair on the top of my head).

Stay away from these pimps. Stay away from anyone associated with these pimps. Any pastor who would associate with these men and women is either too stupid to understand that they are hurting you or they are too greedy to care about your spiritual health. And either of those possibilities says you need to find another church before you are dragged down into heresy, futility, and foolishness. If you want a sign indicating wether or not you should leave a church, look at the events schedule in your church program or the bulletin board and see who your elders are associating with. And if any of these pimps’ names appear there, run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit.

Eddie Long, Fred K. C. Price, Pulpit Pimps, T. Dexter Jakes | 64 Comments »

It’s almost Oprah Day.

If you do devotion in the morning, pray for her.

If you have Bible study, have the group pray for her.

If you are meeting for prayer - purposely bring up her name to God in the group.

If you’re sitting around idle with nothing much to do, pray for her.

Pray that she would come to a saving knowledge of God’s Son and the eternal life He promises to those who trust in Him.

Consider praying that God would do in her life whatever it takes to bring her attention to Him.

Pulpit Pimps | 11 Comments »

Most of the time I look at the things these pimps do, and listen to the things they spout, I’m conflicted between laughing hysterically crying uncontrollably. I mean, take a look at Prophet Woody Martin in his prayer shawl, also known as a cheap piece of cheese cloth with badly printed scriptures and pictures plastered across it. I’d be as willing to take a picture wearing this thing as I would be willing to take a picture of the red crushed velvet tuxedo (with the black platforms) I wore to my girl friend’s prom. I destroyed all the pictures so forget about it! They’re not going to see the light of day.

I’m amazed that he can stand there, microphone in hand, and keep a straight face. On the other hand, if he can convince people to buy one he gets a hundred dollars for each sale. Let’s see. The thing can’t be worth more than a buck twenty (that’s $1.20 for you WoFers out there). And he likely gets a hundred of them shipped to his facilities at a time ($30.00 for shipping). That means the total cost of the shawl is about $1.50 each. And that means he’s clearing $98.50 for each shawl.

If he can convince just a hundred people to lay down a C note, he can clear $9850.00. Sweeet!! I take it back. If someone offered to pay me almost $10,000 to pose in that red crushed velvet tuxedo, I’d do it. But I do draw the line at the pair of Lederhosen I used to own.

Woody rightly says that the shawl has no mystical powers. In fact he says:

The prayer shawl in itself does not have any mystical healing power. It is a point of FAITH to to have your mind renewed and placed upon THE HEALER - THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, the LIVING WORD of Jehovah God through whose STRIPES we are HEALED!

Hmm. I thought the Bible did the renewing. Try as I might, I can’t see anything in Romans 12:1-2 that exhorts us to buy a piece of cheese cloth from Woody. If it’s the Word of God that heals, why not offer us a “Woody the Prophet” Bible or something?

But it gets better. Not only does he offer a Woody the Prophet prayer shawl, we can get a real live vial of “Blood of Jesus Anointing Oil” for free. Again, he rightly says there are no magical powers to it. However, he does quote a bunch of scriptures about Jesus’ blood and then goes on to say:

The oil alone had no power, but when saturated by prayer, it became the Holy Spirit’s point of power for bringing deliverance to people

Okay…then instead of having us order a vial of olive oil and food coloring, why not remind us of James 5:16? While it’s a lot less sexy than a bottle of oil, it seems more appropriate. It says:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

Where in this verse is there a need for a point of faith (or point of contact if we are a little more honest about what he’s saying)?

But I guess the biggest reason to avoid this pimp is to avoid making yourself look like an idiot. The brother in the following photograph is well dressed. Nice shirt, nice tie. It even appears that he visits the gym on the regular. But what’s up with the hanky on the head?

That’s right!! Just like Paul’s handkerchiefs, Woody the Prophet apparently also sells a prayer hanky. You know the drill – put it on the part that hurts and the anointed prayer cloth will deliver you from the pain, swelling, or what ever. Or you can pretend you’re an idiot and wear it on your head.

It looks as though we have another pimp trying to break out into national prominence. I’d stay away from him if only because of the $100 cheesy shawl. But besides that, he looks like Uncle Joe from “Petticoat Junction.”

Pulpit Pimps | 95 Comments »

I promise this is the last posting I will publish on Willow Boy for a while - unless he comes up with some other outrageously idiotic comment.

Within the last couple of days, several of you have asked: Why “Willow Boy.” I figure this is probably as good a time to review as any, since WB is on our minds.

The name goes back to one of the first times I addressed Joel and his “ministry.” I complained that unlike the men and women who stood firmly for the faith in the past, men who defied the Catholic Church despite that fact that it literally held the power of life and death in its hands, Willow Boy is unwilling to stand against much of anything.

Luther, Calvin and a host of others were like oaks, standing for the truth, for the faith delivered once and for all to the saints.

Joel, on the other hand, has stood like a willow tree, not able to stand against much of anything, swaying in the wind every time a challenge approaches.

Luther and company had roots that went deep into the truth of the Word. They couldn’t be bent, only broken. And they didn’t break. Joel, on the other hand, has shown a willingness to bend as far as he needs to - as long has he doesn’t have to break.

One set of men and women are oaks. The other set (and this set includes Osteen) are nothing more than willows, being moved by every wind that comes through the field.

Willow Boy.

Joel Osteen, Pulpit Pimps | 105 Comments »