In order to help fund Melvin’s website, I have decided to copyright and sell a new game. All proceeds go to The Keep Melvin on the Web Ministries.
It works like this:
You have 5 game pieces to choose from , a jet, a Lexus SUV, a Sheep, a closed Bible, and Jan Crouch’s wig.
Instead of starting at “Go”, the first square is “Unaccredited Bible Seminary With Unearned Doctorate (UBSWUD).” Once the game starts, every time you pass UBSWUD you get a love offering from the pot of money. Each time you pass UBSWUD you get another unearned degree and the size of the love offering increases by half.
There are two decks of cards on the board. Instead of Chance and Community Chest, we have “Tithes” and “Love Offerings” decks.
From these decks the Pimp would GET a Tithe, or either PAY or RECEIVE a Love Offering in addition to the one he gets for passing UBSWUD. There is also a “Get Out Of Melvin’s Doghouse Free” card in each deck.
As in the original game, the objective is to buy as much property as you can. But you can’t use your own money. The money must come from either the “Tithe” or “Love Offering” decks, or be accumulated from driving widows and orphans from THEIR property as you accumulate it.
As you purchase a string of property, you can put up small chapels on them. As your wealth increases due to the Tithe and Love Offering cards and numerous times around the board, you can upgrade from a store front, to a church building, to a Mega-Church. Basically, once you get four store fronts on a block, you can, for a small fee, trade them in for a Church. With two church buildings and a fee, you can buy a Megachurch.
Alternately, you can build mansions or shopping malls. However, mansions and shopping malls can only be built using the money you get from people landing on your properties and the money people have to pay you from the Tithes cards.
The “Income Tax” space is still there. But you don’t have to pay it or the luxury tax. You just turn to your closest competitor and say “Repeat after me ‘Money Cometh’”. Then the player must pay your taxes out of his own money.
In Pimpopoly, there is no Jail square. It’s been replaced by “Melvin’s Doghouse”. There is a “Get Out Of Melvin’s Doghouse Free” card, but it can only be used in conjunction with a card from landing on the space previously known as Free Parking, but now known as Flee Narc-ing, which is a guarantee that those who know your shady dealings have been blinded enough to believe they must Flee any situation where they might be tempted to Narc on you, thereby keeping Melvin in the dark. If you don’t have either of these cards, you can mortgage a property and have an Armorbearer serve the sentence for you.
On the way to Melvin’s Doghouse, you “Do Not Pass Unaccredited Bible Seminary With Unearned Doctorate” and you do not collect a love offering.
The game ends when the other pimps are either bankrupted by the Alpha-Pimp, or have landed on the space marked “Depart From Me, For I Never Knew You”. There is no card on the board that can get you off that space.
When only the Alpha-Pimp is left, he must roll the dice a final time. If he does NOT roll two 7’s on his ONLY try (representing repentance and forgiveness as in Christ’s 70 times 7 sermon), the Alpha-Pimp ALSO must move his game piece to the “Depart From Me” space, and no one wins, except the sheeple who won’t get taken to the cleaners any more.
Oh this was excellent! Especially the “Depart From Me, For I Never Knew You” space
Gary V, you write some simply hilarious, but oh so serious stuff!
Melvin, you forgot to give them the opportunity to have two churches at two locations.
(MN: Not at all! You can have a Megachurch on Park Place and another on on Indiana Ave. )
Funny very funny Armorbearers get a raw deal.
(MN: Think of them like Security in the original Star Trek. If anybody died, it was the Red Shirts. )
Laughed out loud at the Star Trek reference Melvin!! When I had roommates, we would watch Star Trek almost every night, and upon seeing the RedShirts, we would sing “Bad Moon Rising” from CCR at the top of our lungs.
“Don’t go out tonight, it’s bound to take your life, there’s a Bad Moon on the rise!!”
Awww, man, lt. Johnson.
Yeah Rex……..and Kirk always took it so hard too.
“Myyyyyyyy…………crew.”
http://youtube.com/watch?v=M2Z840064Ow
LOLOLOLOLOL
TOO FUNNY…………And sad
This is extremely funny! Can we make this an actual game and expose these pimps? I love the end of the game, for who ever wins must role the dice and get two seven for repentance. In the end pimps do have the chance to get saved.
It’d be nice if you guys could install flash software and make this game for real.
There should be a rule that the Depart From Me Space only gets revealed once a pimp builds a mansion or a shopping mall. ‘Cause it wouldn’t be fair to land on it just starting out. LOL.
(MN: Good point. Submit the suggested rule change in triplicate to the rules committee. Include an “incentive” fee of $500 to encourage the committe members. We should have a decision on the suggested rule change within the next year. )
ROTFL!!
Attached to the check is another rule suggestion: there has to be some sort of provision for scandals in the game. All pimps have skeletons in their closets that get revealed near the end of their pimping. Can we have some skeleton cards each with their own scandal attached (male prostitutes, secret families, embezzling from the ministries, etc.) that the pimps have to add to their money piles? The cards would come in twos so that they have to choose another pimp to give the other card to so that someone knows their secret and can one day “blackmail” them. That’s one sure way to get the other pimps to pay your taxes and other “expenditures”. If you have a skeleton card on a pimp it could get you out of the “Money Cometh” scam, or you can use it to make another pimp pay your taxes.
BTW, who do I make that check out to?
At 6:30 this evening Frederick Price was on. At 7:00 TD Jakes came on, following TD Jakes is going to be Paula White at 8:00. No I didn’t watch, and I’m not going to watch. I found it funny that these three people were on back to back to back! I’ve spent several hours on this site this afternoon and was getting ready to log off , see what was on telly, and in scanning this is what was offered on one of the Christian stations. BTW thanks for the tip about the audio of TD Jakes over there at the Independent Conservative website. I just listened to all 52:44 minutes of the tape. Not only did Jakes accuse Naomi and Ruth of lesbianism, but he also alluded the same nastiness to David and Jonathan (while calling them “same-sex friends!”
Good night all.
Fred (Name Your) Price, TD Jokes, and “Coach” Paula White back to back to back.
Must Flee TV.
I would love to have this link to hear what Jakes had to say about Naomi and Ruth & David and Jonathan. Can you please send it to me?
Go to EX ministries and listen to episode 7 ox EXCAST. A clip of it is played about half way through.
On Webcast # 7 on EXministries.com at the 8 minute mark, you will hear it.
I’m not finding it….
And I’m at like the 10 minute mark.
BagLady, How else are the gay/lesb congregants (of Jakes) going to feel understood and welcome!?
Sheer deception. The mess (of what is said) is subtle, but very strong with regard to the overall aim and with whom he is targeting with regard to being, feeling, and embracing themselves as they are.
These type of messages only cause further confusion and dissention, because the message is not rooted in the Bible.
The Bible is merely a tool for their own “sculpted” message.
Don’t forget Melvin…………we have to split the fee on this one
Well we now have Joel Osteen, Eddie Long and Kenneth Copeland coming on back to back to back. I give up. Good night for real, this time. Brother Melvin, thanks again for you website.I never spend less that three hours here. I won’t say how long I’ve been here today, but I will say that It was much, much longer than three hours!
I think the Pimpopoly game is a great idea, I want to get the Jan’s wig token for my game piece. You could sell the rights to the game to Paul Crouch and then they could use it for their TBN gift of the month, for a love gift of any size, both you and Paul could cash out. Seriously, I think the game is a great idea, I have seen a lot of variations on the Monopoly game, why wouldn’t this work?
I cant find the part in the podcast where he says this stuff about David and Johnathan. I’m at the 12 minute mark