I have decided to start my own church, my own mega-church. I’ve done most of the things a Mand of Gawd has to do to start one up. I have a name for it: Praise Immanuel the Mighty Prince Church. Yes, you’re right. The abbreviation is the PIMP Church. But this is the name God told me to give it and I don’t want to be struck dumb like Zachariah (Luke 1:19, 20). After all, if I was struck dumb, I wouldn’t be able to tell you about your breakthroughs or tell you how to position yourself for success, or encourage you to sow your seeds so you can see God in action.
I’ve already gone $20,000 in the hole buying some nice suits, shoes, and shirts. I promise you though, that none of the suits are red, none of the shoes are white, and all of collars of all of the shirts are the same color as the rest of the shirt. Oh, and I bought a car , a Corvette. But that’s only so I can get from my house (I haven’t moved yet) to the church as quickly as possible. Once I move further out of town, I will probably just change over to a helicopter, a small one, like an R-22. As you can see, it’s not a very large one; just big enough for me and my armor bearer. And though the church , excuse me , y’all will pay for my flying lessons for the R-22, my armor bearer will have to pay for his own lessons.
And since the Lord came to set the captives free, I decided to make Jody, my brother-in-law who just got released from prison on a trumped up embezzlement charge, the Chief Financial Officer. He promised me that he had nothing to do with the missing funds and resulting bankruptcy of the company he worked for before going to prison. The fact that he took a four week cruise just before they went bankrupt was purely coincidental. He had to take the leave or lose it.
My chief Armor Bearer (he won’t be able to fly my…er… the church’s helicopter since felons aren’t allowed to be licensed) will be Nails Callahan, a road dog of mine from back in the neighborhood.
Since I want the church to be really seeker friendly, I’ve hired Vikki “Boom Boom” Parker, a former stripper out of Los Angeles to lead the Praise Ministry. Some people doubt that she has really changed, but who am I to judge? Granted, pictures of her keep popping up on the internet, but hey, what’s past is past. Right? And maybe the outfits she wears look like they were spray painted on, but all she’s doing there is demonstrating the fact that she is grateful for what God gave her.
In order to use the church’s funds as efficiently as possible, I also hired “Keys” MacMillan to acquire the fleet of church vans we’re going to need. His rap sheet indicates that he has the ability to break the steering column lock and hot wire a car in under 30 seconds. That kind of a talent will help God shower us with vehicles in no time. But don’t hesitate to continue to give to that ministry. After all, he may be requiring the availability of legal fees. Remember, God helps those who help themselves.
There are other positions I want to tell you about, but I need to finish this sermon I’m working on before Sunday. I’ll probably get back with you in a couple of days to finish the church personnel list, as soon as I find out whether or not the candidate for assistant pastor has been found guilty or not guilty.
God just told me that someone out there wants to receive their breakthrough right now and you have decided to send in $5000 to the Pastor’s Office Renovation Ministry. God laid on my heart to tell you to trust Him for even more. Send in $10,000 dollars. Because remember, you can’t beat God giving and once you sow your seeds, your best seeds, God can’t refuse to give you His best.
Once I get the PIMP Church completely set up, I will, I imagine, be in demand to tell other people how they can grow their churches without edifying the members. I’ll probably be called on to speak across the nation. Well, since my time is God’s time, and we don’t want to waste God’s time, I’m laying the ground work now to arrange for…y’all…to buy an SR22 Turbo for me and the ministry work I will be doing each week end,in Florida, Lake Tahoe, Nag’s Head, or Las Vegas, or some other sin-infested locations in need of the pesence of an anointed mand of Gawd. With a cruise speed of 208 kts, I could get to Atlanta in about 3 hours. It would take me that long just to check in to Baltimore Washington International, go through security, and wait on the airlner to take off. Never mind the other end, where my armor bearer will have to wait on my luggage.
The plane is only $445K fully tricked out. If enough of you decide to position yourselves for success (at least 12,000 of you), and each of you gives just $40, we should be able to get me…that is, the church should be able to buy the plane and do it while staying debt free. And everyone knows God wants the church to be debt free. But don’t worry if you don’t have the money. The accountants are setting up a system to let you use any major credit card to give the $40. If you do that, watch and see if God won’t wipe out your debt.
Make it plain!!
LOL…hilarious
Roz, you are so right! This is sooooooooo hilarious!
Preach! Preach, brutha pasta! Now look at yo’ neighba and say, “NEIGH-ba, he sho nuff makin’ it plain!”
Didn’t he make it plain, Villiam? LOL!
Bishop Melville,
I want you to have that SR22 Turbo so that you and the other Bishop Pimp Daddyitis Fast Eddie Long can make it to the “Spiritual Pentagon” which before he renamed it on television last night was previously known as TBN (Talkin Bout Nonsense).
Paul and Jan are the “generals” at the “Spiritual Pentagon” so don’t forget to salute them 7 times because God works in 7’s and I don’t want you to miss your harvest now watch this, watch this, watch this, oooo yah missed that one. Of course now I’m going to go off into some incredible and unrelated rambling of pimp babblle attached to an occasional scripture and much grease and sweat runnin down my face. This is to impress you so that you will put me on staff as one of your spawn pimpettes to be. Well I’m out of breath and it’s almost time for the rerun of the Young and the Restless. It is still ok to watch the Young and the Restless like we used to at the otha church right? After all where will you get the theme for Sunday’s sermon if you don’t name it after a popular rap song or a soap opera. Well I guess Jericho and 7th Heaven could work for this Sunday’s title especially since we are on the theme of 7’s.
Maybe if you walk around that SR22 7 times you can have it scott free because you may get your “breakthrough” and not owe any more payments just by showing up and being in position for your miracle.
Don’t forget you know that you heard the words of a prophet tonight. To confirm what I have said is true and from God, I can see you need some work done on your roof. (This is the part where you start jumping up and down and crying because you know I am a prophet sent from God because your roof really does leak. I got that from a mid level pimp on his way up)… that’s how you prove God speaks to me I can see your roof or I can smell that damp and musty smell on your clothes because I’m sure you live in an old house and you look like you can’t afford roof maintenance.
I will be so happy when P.I.M.P starts it’s world wide television ministry so our Pastor can be on t.v. I can’t wait for you to introduce some cross dressin celebrity as your latest recruit and tither while the rest of the world is dyin and on it’s way to hell. Excited about the new Pimptitous!! Should I pick your suit up from the cleaners or just buy you one by Friday? What color car will you be in so I can get one that matches? I know Pastor, I know, PIMPIN AIN”T EASY!!
Dear Melvin,
I am truly inspired by the development of your new church. Each time I open my purse, I can feel a spirit move over my hands prompting me to write that check for $22 and $.21 check. I know it is my season to prosper and be in perfect health as I attempt to get rid of this pesky demonic cold. Who do I make the check out to?
Make all checks payable to:
Getting PIMP’d Ministries
12456 Anathema Lane
Bowie, MD 20716
ATTN: Melvin Jones
But remember: In God we trust. Everyone else has to use Cashier’s Check, Money Orders, or cash.
Edra Williams, you are too funny.
Don’t forget, Brother/Pastor Melvin… in your new mega church, you’ve got to put a few of those seed baskets up front, down there along the bottom of the pulpit so your members can get up and run down the aisle when the “Spirit” hits them so they can throw their hard-earned money into the seed baskets to buy their blessings, you know?
I’m taking lessons in speaking in tongues but so far don’t know anyone who’s taking lessons in interpreting the tongues, but that shouldn’t matter. I’ll still like to apply for the job as head of the tongue speaking ministry.
I know a fella who plays the guitar just like BB King and he’s out of work so maybe you’ll consider him. He hangs out at the strip club there where Boom Boom works. I also have a cross-dresser friend who knows how to play the organ, a real limp-wrist of a fella but he can set an organ on FIRE! He hangs out at the strip club, too. He goes by the name of Lotus Flowers. He really needs a Breakthrough.
T. Dexter, I didn’t know you wrote articles here?… wow! small world.
CLASSIC!! lol
Gawd has revealed that Profitess Mal and I get a special wing of the new church to start our School of the Profits. Of course, Pastuh Mel, you, as the Mand of Gawd are welcome to drop into our classes, at any time, to offer further spiritual insights (on fleecing - the flock and others) and other such matters, as you are lead (by a greedy and lying spirit).
melville, will you please set the record straight!!! i’m tired of all these persons vying for a position THAT IS ALREADY FILLED (i hate when y’all make me use the shift key) i don’t know who msj and profitess mal are but i am the only profite$$ on staff. y’all betta recognize!
Can I be an on staff Prophet? Please I will give you a tenth of all I raise on my speaking engagments!
hey mr. woods, sorry I didnt get back to you on the hip hop site, but for some reason when I tried to click on it would kick me. I enjoyed the discussion, its always nice to hear other views. We can agree to disagree without disliking each other. Oh by the way, your lyrics were nice.
(LOL)
Hey and since i sang I can be your Gay Psalmist, just like all of the mans of god have. Don’t forget you have to have a story that authenticates you are a man of Gawd. Tell the people you have been to heaven and back, oh darn Jesse Duplantis already did that. How about you say you went to the 18th Heaven and came back to tell all, even though Paul had been to the 3rd and said nothing, thats it thats it…… signing off, Super Master double Prophet with cheese.
(MN: I’m trying to delegate as much as I can. Send your resume to Boom Boom and she’ll get back with you. )
Lotus Flowers is still waiting. He gave his application to Boom Boom and said he hasn’t heard anything back from her. Oh, he’s the one who wants to play the guitar–or was it the organ?
Gee, Melvin– I see being a grandpa has inspired you to release some of your best work yet. (chuckle) Oh my- I have to read your latest work again.. it’s so funny but yet when related to the real world of the pimps– its so true! By the way– what positions are still available?
Oh, yes…I know myapplication is in there now. Boom Boom is my 2nd cuzzin on my mama’s side. She’s good people. I’m gonna prophelie all over top of Paula and Juanita’s heads…the kangdom suffereth vilence…and the vilent gonna surely take it by for force…can I get an amaaann??? Oh, Benevolent One, does this meant that you are closing down the Redemptive Temple? LOL
Melvin, your break through is coming(courtesey of the sheeple) this is the year of harvest!! All of you sheeple out there “Don’t touch Gawds annointed!”
Every since my neighbor turned to me and slapped my face saying “Youse got the Powa!” I was giften with the special anointing of Profitseeing.
I’d love to contribute 10,000 USD to your most holey miniseries but all I have is a Western Union check for $20,000 I got from Nigeria.
If you could see fit to cash it for me and kick back 10k to me, I’m sure both of our miniseries will soar to new gawdly heights.
I’d like to thank my sponsors PepsiCo and Wal Mart as well as the National Organization of Women for my miniseries for whom none of this would be possible.
Now, if you forgive me, I must go. Got plenty of work to do to help get political prisoners freed, the message spread and all the millions in this Nigerian Bank acct. I’m managing to their rightful inheritors in America. My don’t the good lawd shower his gifts upon all these faith sowers.
Now, what did I do with that mailing list I bought from St. Matthews Church…
Don’t forget to promote the “anointed olive oil soap.” I was watching BET on Monday around 6:30am. Lo and behold, “Pastor” Kerney Thomas was there promoting the “anointed olive oil soap.” Just rub it on one of your bills and all of your bills will be cancelled. I nearly fell out of my bed laughing hysterically.
Congrats on the beautiful grandchild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Melvin - Congratulations on your promotion!! Your territory is certainly being enlarged!!! I know you’re probably really busy readying your plans for how you’re going to pimp the people efficiently and effectively, but have you given any consideration to the following:
1. Your official title - Since your expanding your territory, you should really think about another title. I suggest “Apostle” or “Archbishop”.
2. If you decide the church is going to have a School of the Profits, as MsJ. suggested, who will be the “Master Profit”?
3. Will there be money in the budget to send the Armorbearer to training? “Armorbearers International” has a slammin’ (excuse me, “relevant”) curriculum.
4. Have you made room on your calendar for your first TBN Praise-A-Thon performance yet? (Be sure that your new suits come in colors that show up nicely on camera. That TBN California set is a little dark.)
Well, these were just a few things to keep in mind as you forge ahead in fleecing the flock. Should you require any assistance, please let me know and I’ll gladly send my resume to Boom Boom. (I could be the church secretary. I average about 25 words per minute typing and I make excellent potato salad!!!) Peace!!!
Aren’t you just sick of that word “breakthrough”? Everyone says that now; they never determine what your breakthrough may be. It is a generic term used to mean whatever the gullible listeners need it to mean. So whenever it is used the gullible ones start jumping up and down as they inject in the word “breakthrough” what they need or want it to mean. Bishop Marvin, when you are installed as the pastor of your new mega church can I be put on staff as the Master Prophet? I will guarantee you that I can double your membership with my vague , money oriented prophecies. I will also guarantee a huge haul of money for my Passover Blessings and my Gimmicks to trick people into signing over their house notes, children’s college funds, etc. Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase??????
(MN: I told you - I’m delegating a lot more stuff this time around. Send your resume to Boom Boom and she’ll make recommendations. If you clip a Benjamin on it, your chances will probably improve a little. )
I have been thinking about this word “guarantee” and this teaching about “The laws of Prosperity.” I would ask this one question. Would a law be a guarantee? Does the law of gravity “guarantee” you that if you jump from a building, you will fall? If you jump in the water does the law say you will get wet? Does these laws apply to black, white, red, yellow, rich, poor, big or small? Of course they do. So, in an effort not to make a long drawn out post, I will have to ask this question. Does God “guarantee” ANYBODY through scripture that they would be rich? So if I follow a “LAW” of prosperity,that tells me that I am “GUARANTEED” to be rich. Are there any cirmcumstances that could interfere with riches? I don’t know….maybe…STOCK MARKET CRASH?….LAWSUITS? Did Bill gates, Ted Turner, The Kennedys, The Gettys, Oprah, or Trump all follow these “laws” of prosperity that we hear so much about? How did they get their wealth? Are they Christians that we know of? And last question: If we (Christians) are to be the Abrahams or Solomons of our day(in riches), why is it that you can add all the finances of Price, Copeland, Dollar, Long, Hinn and whomever you want to insert, and their riches, it would not add up to a Donald trump or Bill Gates. maybe not even Oprah’s 1.5 billion. Bottom line, the world has all the wealth. What’s the problem? And BTW, Christians forget about that one word that God ordained. It is spelled…… W.O.R.K.
Hey Melvin, do you have any info on this Pastor David manning out of New York and his chuch referring to “atlah”? I tried doing research and did not come away with much. Here is a sample of him bashing Creflo. And of course it is from old reliable Youtube…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgJnghVJ-DA
(MN: Independent Conservative has done an article that I will be posting in a coupld of days. )
I have been listening to his messages for the past hours and he lights into some of these pastors. He even lit into Farrakhan(that is bravery at best), Creflo and even went on to say that Joyce Meyer should take some of that money from those women conferences and empty those shelters in that city. He said she instead would get acolades from the mayors of those cities for bringing millions in revenue dollars to their city and the airlines. WOW!! This guy is brave a best. And he also calls them pimps. how funny.
That joker is a border line Jim Jones and I ain’t referring to “balling” either!
He even said that the Baptist. Methodist, Pentecostal. WOF, and The Assemblies of God will all go to Hell. He stated all were false prophets.
mr woods, what do you mean by “balling”?
LOL…it’s a song ms. mav…ballin’ by jim jones
It was a play on words. The rapper from Harlem is named Jim Jones and the dude in Guyana (I Think) the Jonestown thing was named Jim Jones.
thanx tweets. but i never heard the song, or heard of a singer by that name.
Wow and I thought Melvin was rough. Come on that Manning guy is a nut what kind of preacher makes everyone stand during his sermon.
NO..he refers to all of Harlem as “Atlah,” not just his church…
This brother is off the hook this is pure comedy.Did any of you see the “Obama’s got a white mama” clip. Wow I must have missed “Obama’s a half white boy” in my reading of psalms last night.You just cant preach that kind of stuff I’m sorry well at least I got good laugh. Jesus please come back soon!!!!!
Well, my daddy was a p.i.m.p back in the days. Now he a preacher and pimpin fo’ da LAWD…. hall le lu jhua He can be your pimp also
You are way too funny. I haven’t laughed so hard since I saw the fuller soap commercial and that goofy guy Bernard Jordan.
Passa Mel,
See what happens when you stop standing on the shoulders of faithless bible believing giants and just let the “spewit” guide you. I knew eventually that all this success wasn’t going to be enough for you. Every David needs his Bathsheba. Well, may “gawd” continually bless your “men-in-street”! That is where I think I’ll end up after I send in my next paycheck. Uh oh, “OH me of little faith”. Now I have to send in my tax return too to show that I repent. This purchasing a blessing stuff is hard! LOL!!!
(MN: But stay faithful, because your breaktrhough is coming since this is the year of Supernatural Blessings. Don’t forget, by sending in your tax refund, you position yourself to prosper!! And who knows? I may even give you a ride in the church’s airplane. )
Let the church say AMEN!
glad to see somebody in central florida has waken up, i’am in orlando
I repent for calling you Marvin instead of Melvin! I will send you a double tithe to guarantee my reqeust for forgiveness will be heard. I am sending an offering worthy of an Apostle of the Highest Order. I will make sure to wash it with the blessed Olive oil soap before I send it in.
(MN: Alright then. )
oh my gosh! why is erbodi pik’in on da po ol preecha’s? dais jus doin it fo da laud! dont dais pose ta get a duble potion uh da chicken ur sumpin? wis cum day caint hav da good purty shiny soot an dem crocagator choos? i wont ma pasta ta look good! dont ya’ll. i mo sind a big ol luv giff. $19.99. hury pasta n sind ma prare cloth soes i kin put tit on ma nees w da rumatis. and in the words of aunt ester “ol glory”!
keep the lights shining saints.
God Blees ya”ll!
Brother B: I was jes’ drivin’ buy and almose had a reck when I red ’bout those crocagator choos! Thanks for that hysterical dose of medicine!!!
Beryle
Shalom to all,
Well all of the MegaChurch leaders were recently asked, “if Jesus was alive what would be his focus?”. T. D. Jakes says, “We shouldn’t preach for money….”
check out the aticle.
Avishalom, i would go on a tirade and disect foolishness in this article. But i’m sure Melvin is salivating right now. I’m going to let him tackle this…lol
Avishalom,
here is a article that went more indepth into the discussion on CNN. There are more quotes from Bishop Jakes and Paula White:
http://www.assistnews.net/Stories/2007/s07040036.htm
r u going to post the audio from stand up ministry?
(MN: I hadn’t thought about it. I guess I can if folks want to hear it. I just checked though, and the link’s not there yet for yesterday’s discussion.
Go here: http://www.standupministry.com )
You all are sick…I see no humor in what you are doing…it’s pathetic, childish and stupid. I’m not a christian and If I was I would make it my business to ruin your life just like you’re trying to ruin the lives of these people on your website. If they are doing wrong what gives you the right to talk about someone like you’re perfect?
(MN: If you are not a Christian, I’m really not that inerested in what you have to say about the site. You have larger, much larger issues. While I can certainly understand you view, it really doesn’t mean much in this environment. I suggest you visit this site.
By the way, I’m not trying to ruin the lives of these men and women. I only put out here what these men and women have themselves put out here. However, I do go the extra step and compare what they say publicly, and do publicly to what the Bible says. Would you care to tell me why you think this is trying to ruin them? Am I trying to ruin a politician if I point out the untruth of what he or she says?
It is interesting though, that you, an admittedly unsaved person, have exactly the same perspective as the people who follow these clowns: that telling the truth about them and repeating what they say is trying to ruin their lives. You even use the “you’re not perfect so what gives you the right to talk about them” argument.
Remember, the site is here to warn people, not to try and stop the wolves from doing what they apparently do so well. )
you’re pointing out the truth?? what is the truth? that these people are pimping saved people….making false promises…that’s their decision to follow down behind them…who are you to point out things on the lives of these people? that is there hustle just like this website is your hustle…it’s funny how you can put other peoples business out there for the world to see….howabout somebody starts a website trashing you (MN: Already been done. The readers seemed to benefit from the attempt. ) , and talking about you and your pathetic life…i see you have Biblical scriptures, but I do recall someone saying even the devil is capable of doing that….
(MN: Let’s try again. I don’t put their business out in the street. They eagerly put their business out in the street. All I do is warn the sheeple of the implications of what the wolves are doing.
Remember, I don’t go around digging up dirt. They don’t think it’s dirt. That’s why they are more than eager to say and do the things they do on national and cable TV.
Try to get ahold of that concept. Pointing out serious, public error is not the same as telling you about things they don’t want you to know. I have studiously avoided that tactic for the life of this web site.
By the way, how is this site a hustle? I don’t get paid anything for it. In fact, it costs me something around $80 a month and my time to maintain. So again, how, exactly, is this a hustel? )
Well……………tjohn’s post was especially pathetic. And, considering how pathetic SOME of the posts we get here are, that’s SAYIN’ something.
Hey tjohn………..you gonna man up and answer the response Melvin gave??
first of all you son you don’t know me…so it’s best that you keep my name out of your mouth…i’m voicing my opinion just like everybody else up here except i’m not going along with what your boy melvin is saying or doing…
no one knows you-you’re anonymous. lol
Oh good……….an internet toughguy. What ya gonna do son?? Please.
You say we’re twisting Scripture?? have at it Sparky.
Where??? Step up or shut up.
internet toughguy? nah…i’m just not brown nosing melvin like the rest of you all are doing on this page. could it be that you lash out because of your own insecurities?
(MN: I’m having trouble grasping this. One brown noses because the owner of the brown nose believes the subject can do something for him or her. Perhaps the the person by whom their nose is browned can get them a better job, increase their reputation in the community, improve their props, etc. What, exactly, do I do for the people who read this site? Are you saying that I am in some way a king maker, a broker of power? If so, in what way? So far I have failed to see it.
Most of the folks who comment here leave a tag of some kind. You, on the other hand, choose to be anonymous. Insecurities? Please. I suspect you are somewhat insecure since you fail to deal with issues and instead toss insults from the shadows. )
Well Sparky, you said that I “………better keep your name outta my mouth.”
My question is……….”Or what??”
Seems like the typical internet toughguy stupidity. I notice you haven’t taken up the challenge to PROVE your assertions, though you had the time and inclination to pound out another vitriolic post (once again void of anything even remotely Biblical to support your views).
Not that I’m surprised after sampling your writings thus far. C’mon and prove us wrong. Defend the DOCTRINE rather than the PIMP…………..if you CAN. Show us how we’re theologically wrong and you and your leaders are correct.
Step up………
I’m not trying to prove anything…u all on the other hand seem desperate for people to see things your way…show you that your theologically wrong? What makes you theologically right? (MN: Uh…the Bible? ) It’s folks like you that make people not want to be a part of the church because you’re always pointing out what the church isn’t doing…what the preachers are doing wrong…how about finding something positive to say…you can’t can you…since everyone up here knows scripture you should be trying to lead us “sinners” to Christ…. (MN: If you know you are a sinner, why do I need to lead you to Christ? He knows where you are and can move on your heart quite without my help. This site is not here for sinners (aka the unsaved) or to lead them to Christ. No one can lead you to Christ. As a sinner (aka unsaved) you are not interested in following me to Christ (Romans 8:5, 6). The site is here for the saved, to warn them about the wolves and to give them resources to warn others. Again, it’s not for the unsaved any more than Paul’s letters to the churches were for the unsaved. (Not that my writing in any way comes up to Paul’s stuff. )
(Anon) I’m not trying to prove anything…
(GV) Yes……..that’s become obvious. The question though is “WHY NOT??” You came here with nothing more than assertions and uninformed opinion without a shred of Biblical support to tell us WE don’t know the Bible.
Well, if we are to take you seriously, you must PROVE your assertions by the Bible.Otherwise, you’re wasting bandwidth.
The fact is, you CANNOT prove what you assert by Scripture, therefore you do not attempt it. Wise move.
(Anon)u all on the other hand seem desperate for people to see things your way…show you that your theologically wrong? What makes you theologically right?
(GV) Mel’s response cannot be improved upon. Scripture. Tell me………how would you KNOW what was theologically right to begin with when you haven’t even the ability to defend your OWN theology, never mind the theology of the pimps??
(Anon) It’s folks like you that make people not want to be a part of the church because you’re always pointing out what the church isn’t doing…what the preachers are doing wrong…
(GV) WRONG. It’s the pimps and sheeple like those YOU defend that make the Body of Christ a laughingstock and bring reproach upon His Name. Their sloth towards the Word has allowed these Pimpologists to make a mockery of Christ before the eyes of the world.
It is NOT Scripture rightly divided that the world mocks……….for the Word properly exegeted is the Power Of God. What the world mocks and disdains is the fact that even THEY (WITHOUT the Spirit) can see right through the money-making schemes, the blatant manipulation, and the freakishly maniacal emotionalism the pimps use to fleece their “flock”. And their flock allows this on national TV and radio (before a mocking world) as a direct result of the sort of Biblical ignorance you’ve demonstrated here.
It is these pimp-idols that cause the world to smirk at and reject Christ, with their satellite -broadcast spastic displays, and babbling gibberish, and eager desire to throw money at obvious con-men.
The world disdains the church and Christ because it mistakenly believes that the embarrassing displays it sees on TV (paid for and promoted those you defend) is actually what Christ is all about.
(Anon)how about finding something positive to say…you can’t can you…since everyone up here knows scripture you should be trying to lead us “sinners” to Christ….
(GV) We are commanded to sound a warning against false teachers. We are commanded to warn those who may blindly fall into their trap. No axillary good work that might be done through these men can make amends for the spiritual devastation they wreak by their heresies and pimpery.
Will God commend them for feeding a poor person before leading the poor to a false Christ and a Godless eternity?? Will God commend them for clothing the naked before making him two-fold more the child of hell than themselves??
God is far more concerned with their spiritual food, and their spiritual garments, than their physical ones.
Mat 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Mat 7:23 And then will I (Jesus) profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Look carefully at these verses my friend……..for if you ARE unsaved, pray that God may grant you repentance unto life so that these Words of His (Depart from Me) may never ring in YOUR ears.
so you’re reading the bible and giving ur interpretation as to what the scripture means? you’re doing the research and telling this people what God has placed in your heart to tell them?
If I understand your question: Yeah, pretty much.
so in a sense you’re saying what God is telling you is right and what he is telling these so called “pimps” is wrong? this baffles me because in a sense it’s just like saying that God isn’t telling these preachers this or that…but he’s telling you things and what he is telling you is what’s right…that’s why I asked the question what makes your view or point theologically right and you said the Bible yet these preachers are reading the Bible and getting another interpretation from it…your way or your view isn’t always right….
(MN: Here, let me try again.
What I am saying is that what I am saying is consistent with what Scripture says. What the pimps say is not consistent with what Scripture says. Given that what they are saying is not consistent with Scripture, and that Scripture is from God, and that God does not contradict what He is saying, it seems fairly safe to say that what they are saying is not something that God is telling them.
That which I am saying isn’t right simply because I am saying it. It is right because it matches what the Bible says. That which the pimps say contradicts Scripture and therefore is not right.
Now it could be that I am misinterpreting Scripture, but that is an entirely different issue than the one I understand you to be raising.
If you think I am misinterpreting the Bible, please tell me where and why yo think what I have said is a misinterpretation. )
that’s a shame you think that all a hustle has to do with is money….I think your running game…you wanna be a pastor or head of a church but, no one is interested in following a “false prophet” who wants to live the life of those he’s hatn’ on….let me ask you a question…do you honestly believe that these preachers are pimpin’ the church? isn’t possible that just maybe God is blessing their church and the people in that church to be prosperous?
(MN: Again, just ouf of curiousity, what have I said or done to indicate that I want to run a big church? I have avoided trying to tell people what is in these pimps’ heart and have used scripture to evaluate them. YOu, on the other hand, have done nothing but make evaluations of what you think may be in my heart. What is the basis for that evaluation?
And no, I don’t believe that riches are automatically a sign of God’s blessing; especially when the things the pimps say and do are contrary to Scripture. God does not promise the obedient Christian physical blessings. )
it is my opinion that you are twisting the scripture just like some of these so-called pimps are….i don’t think riches are an automatic sign either…but i do believe that blessings go beyond spiritual….
Anonymous: “but i do believe that blessings go beyond spiritual….”
Please explain?
Thanks for admitting that most of them are ‘hustling.’ That’s our point!!! They don’t care anything about the people. They are only interested in lining their pockets with our hard earned cash. With comments like this, I probably will never go back to church ever.
Easy GSRH, dont let the acts of a few bad preachers who are being misled by the wicked one lead to further deception. The Father wants you to attend a good bible based church for fellowship and growth. See Hebrews 10:24-25 . This whole WOF prosperity mess is just another trick of the enemy to misfocus and mislead.It’s not as bad as it seems yes their are alot of bad churches out ther but i know the good ones outnumber the bad. Remember God established the church so therefore it is a good instiution. Dont give up, keep looking.
Jcrep, Like GSRH, I have become so disillusioned by what goes on in so many churches until I’ve withdrawn from the Church. What I’m doing now is visiting around and hoping against hope to find a real church–a Christ-centered, Bible believing, Bible-teaching group of ministers and teachers with real preachers who know the Bible. I’m tired of watered down sermons, preachers preaching to his favorite group, I meant, catering, to his favorite groups of people (the ones who put the most money in the collection plate). In my quest to find a real church, in visiting around to various churches, I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been one that has regular weekly prayer services or weekly Bible Study nights. All they are interested in is meeting and taking up collections.
I grew up in a church where we would have prayer meeting, devotional services, Bible Study (where the members had the opportunity to ask questions and have them answered while in the Bible Study). No more. Half of these PP’s read their sermons from notes they’ve copied from a commentary written by a popular preacher whom they feel has done the research and study on whatever subject it is that they want to “preach” from, and hardly even pick up the Bible after they,ve read the Scriptures they say they are preaching from.
They’ll read the Scriptures and preach on something not even related to the particular Scriptures the lesson or sermon is supposed to be coming from. Most of the time they are just speaking their own opinion or will use the pulpit to fuss about something that they don’t like (somebody said something ugly to their wife, or somebody wrote an ugly note and didn’t sign their name to it, or their FAVORITE subject, TITHING).
It’s a waste of time and frustrating (after working all week and are tired) to get up early, get dressed, use gas to go to hear opinions, and the mangling and misinterpretation of the Word. So, I still visit and hope for the best, that I will find a church eventually. I just don’t feel complete not being in a good church.
PS: I think I’ve committed a “rudity,” as in “RUDE.” I’m new in this forum but have posted here a few times before, but never introduced myself by saying hello. So HELLO, everyone! I’ve really enjoyed this site/forum.
Sorry for the rudeness.
(MN: Don’t worry about the rudity. We have more than enjoyed your comments and contributions. )
Hello baglady believe me I understand exactly what you and GSRH are talking about . I’m 37 but by 18 I was done with
the whole church thing . I grew up in church experienced church splits was told by a preacher when he couldnt get me to speak in tongues to “just say something”
I saw the Bishop have the deacons call people at home when they were not in service to remind them they still had to pay their tithe. I saw the same Bishop damage the faith of many(including me) by sleeping with the head deacons daughter and another deacons daughter. I literally feel your pain and frustration leaping off the monitior at me. I would just encourage you and others that read this to not give up on finding a good church home thats rooted in the word. The devil wants all of us to walk this walk alone .To keep our gifts from others and their gifts from us . He wants mercenaries, not commited faithful soldiers I can tell by your contributions you know this already baglady. Thats what makes me so angry at this WOF, please me, bless me mess we so often hear preached. Its divisive stupid and just plain deceiving. Well what can I say the devil is good at his job. I finally had to look for a church where my only criteria was getting solid spirtual food that challenged me to be a godly man and to change. I took jamming choir , air conditioning,close to home exciting goose bump sermons and “black church”off of my list of requirements I also took a place where my wife feels comfortable off the list (that was hard) but as the leader of my home it was up to me to lead my family to a good place of worship. The church is not perfect and I dont agree with all that is done there but they are non essential issues . However I am being fed food that sometimes hurts to swallow but its the true word of God.Hang in there baglady I’ll be praying that God sends you to a good church soon with love and blessings jcrep32
hi jcrep, baglady, GSRH, with all due respect to jcrep, i disagree with your assessment that the devil is trying to get them to walk this walk alone. i don’t believe the defeated devil has anything to do with their disillusionment. it is what it is. it seems to me, that like so many of us, they just got fed up w/ all the theatrics and phoniness posing as Christianity. i can definitely relate to their disillusionment as i have often expressed cynicism myself with the way Christianity is portayed today. but i’d like to suggest to my sisters, you don’t have to go it alone, nor should you. you can meet w/ other women in small informal group settings either in your homes or mutually agreed apon places for bible studies and fellowship. you don’t need to be fed the Word if you know how to feed yourselves. you can all share in edifying the other women of the group, praying with/for, and having accountability among yourselves unto God. some saints disdain this non-tradtional approach but it’s better than if you were to just keep to yourelf. the body needs all the members. (warm smile) my husband and i left the “church scene” 2 years ago and will never go back to “organized religion” per se. ( the whole, we need to be under a pastor to be fed, pay our tithes, catch the leader’s vision, be in our places every time the doors open, etc. etc. stuff) we fellowship w/ other believers in the manner that i suggested to you and we are still blessed. moreover, we use my husband’s hard earned money to give to PEOPLE and worthy ministries as God directs, and thank goodness we won’t get stuck financing someone else’s real estate for the sake of saying we needed a building to worship in.
blessings & peace to you all.
Hello mrs maverick let me start by saying that I realize your response to my comment was made in gentleness and respect and I hope my response is received the same way.
My belief that the wicked one is behind believers not wanting to fellowship in a church setting is based on the fact that the church as we mostly have today represents the biblical model.with deacons pastors elders etc. Many of Pauls epistles were written to churches (I realize these started as home fellowships) with this God mandated structure. Look at what Luke wrote(Acts 15:22)
My point is God is a God of order structure and orginization. I dont mean denominations or affiliations and I realize man has done a poor job at keeping Gods house as a house of worship and not a house of thieves. I am not saying that home fellowships are bad or you and your husband are wrong and should find a church tommorow. You obviously are mature christians who need very little structure or motivation to serve God (not being sarcastic) but I dare say most believers need the solid backing of a church.
In regards to giving financially to ministry we can see it done as a church body in 2 corinthians Chapter 8 Paul is using the example of the giving Macedonian church to encourage the corinthian church to give as a church body (2corinthians 8:10) I do realize these scriptures and especially the ones related to giving in the next chapter have been instrumental in the fleecing of the sheep. However The enemy wants us to focus on man’s mistakes and sins in regards to church so we won’t go back.
Remember our battle is with pricipalities and wickedness in high places. the devil is behind false doctrine and division. He is the one who tempts the pimps to preach foolishness to fulfill their greedy desires. We still need to pray for these misguided men and women. God can change the heart of man, afterall he did it for you and I. Can you imagine if someone like Jamal Bryant started preaching the truth? Yeah I bet his church would shrink but he could potentially be used in a great way (heart change needed of course) My prayer is that we get right what God has established and set up as opposed to leaving it in our frustration. Please see my heart in this I am not condemning anyone.
jcrep32
To jcrep32
What constitutes a Church? And what authorizes it to be called “a Church”?
Is their a number of people needed to begin a Church? How many men are needed how many women are needed? Where is it started?
I’m not sure about that devil thing but maybe the below will help.
Gal 5:19-21 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are [these]; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told [you] in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
Satan’s power is found in our ungodly desires, desire the things of God and Satan has no power, Give attention to your flesh give power to the devil.
To jcrep32 just want to comment about a statement you made: (However The enemy wants us to focus on man’s mistakes and sins in regards to church so we won’t go back.)
First, Paul said that the enemy would be crushed Romans 16:20 And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet [shortly] the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Compare this with Revelation 22:6 “and he said unto me, These sayings are faithful and true: and the Lord God of the holy prophets sent his angel to shew unto his servants which must [shortly] be done. ”
If shortly means in these two verses what shortly is supposed to mean, I don’t think the enemy was around when man in his own heart started these building calling them churches. I know we always say we know that the church is not a building- that’s fine and good but its sad when we say go back to church knowing that we really mean the building. The word church is the start of the problem. It’s a business; it always was because man- not God or Jesus ordained it.
So to make it simple, they can never go back to church. Since this has been misapplied so long no one cares to correct the error- they just say ” I know the church is not a building- but you know what I mean”. When it comes to other biblical truths, where else do we use this sad excuse? Everyone says they know, BUT. Ask yourself why and then think about it. This has messed up people for a long time and it needs to be changed, and the change starts with you with my friend. So I’m saying to you that it’s not the enemy that keeps people out of church because he can’t.
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P.S.Romans16:20is something to think about. This is after the cross. Satan is crushed so to use Satan as the reason behind every thing is wrong. And all you have to do is look around and see that all this money is going to buildings instead of people. It’s sad, but we really should be taking care of people instead of buildings.
LMBO, that was so funny I emailed this to everyone I know Melvin I love this site thanks for all they insite !
Mrs Maverick, Brother Melvin, and Jcrep, I still haven’t found a place I feel at home. I can’t tolerate milk any more and that is what I’ve been hearing in the churches where I’ve visited. Most of the sermons are topical, off subject (as far as following the Scriptures that were read as being where the sermon would be coming from) and it’s mostly opinion and rhetoric. It’s just plain everyday talk. Talk that can be heard just by listening to people sitting around griping or trying to tell something that happened to them that they’re angry or disappointed about, but these watered down sermons just aren’t spiritually uplifting or edifying.
Anybody who has lived on this earth long enough to have had any kind of trials, tribulations, disappointments and problems, can preach the kind of sermons I have been hearing lately. Some aren’t even preaching; they’re reading stuff they sat down and wrote the night before. I know of one pastor whose wife prepares his sermons for him and writes them out. He reads from the Bible, sets the Bible aside or closes it, and then reads her sermon notes, word for word, from the notes she’s written. She teaches the Bible Study at the church and when she does teach, it’s more like she is preaching and there is a lot of reaction from the pews. But when the pastor teaches the Bible study, the people are so quiet because he is really dull and sometimes when he is teaching, she (his wife) has to gently correct him because he gets off the true meaning of the lesson. I visited there more than once before I moved on, but it appears that before long, his wife will be pastoring that church (she already is a seminary trained working chaplain). Anyway, I’m still looking and praying. Have a blessed day everyone!