The internet is a great thing. It’s down right inspirational at times. For instance, it inspired GaryV to write a prayer for one of his organization’s conferences. Here is the prayer that Gene inspired GaryVto pray at the kick-off session of the Inclusionist Divinity Institute Organizational Trust’s (I.D.I.O.T.) annual conference, potluck dinner, and RuPaul impersonator contest.
Oh wonderful and merciful God/Godess/Divinity in transition from God to Godess through holy gender reassignment,
We humbly beseech Thee to bless us with the end of tears by removing the sting of body and eyebrow waxing.
Bless us with anger for the outrageous prices we are being charged to have Jennifer Lopez’s Grammy Award presentation gown reproduced in a men’s size XXL.
Bless us with discomfort whenever we hear the Bible, lest it penetrate our heart directly through our silicone implants.
Bless us with patience for hateful, bigoted, and sexually repressed Christians who want to keep us from legal and loving unions with the same sex. Or multiple partners. Or children under 3. Or different species.
Bless us with humility, that we might bow before any god….Allah, Vishnu, Xenu, President Obama….except the One in the Bible.
Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance, that we may warmly embrace and openly celebrate everything deemed an abomination in Scripture while still calling ourselves followers of Christ.
Bless us with compassion and generosity – remembering that every religion’s God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable in the human community rather than by some antiquated and repulsive acceptance of a Blood sacrifice for sins. And in Your relativism, let us ignore the 1.5 million vulnerable lives we destroy each year, offering them on our own bloody altar of selfishness.
And God, we give you thanks for your child Barack as he assumes the office of President of the United States. And we thank You that your Messiah Obama has already repealed the oppressive ban on funding abortions overseas, along with a promise to repeal any ban on abortions in these United States (including partial birth abortions).
Give him wisdom beyond his years, and inspire him with Lincoln’s reconciling leadership style (but not his love of Scripture), President Kennedy’s ability to enlist our best efforts (as well as his moral degeneracy), and Dr. King’s dream of a nation for ALL the people (along with his delicious denials of Christ’s Deity, the Atonement of the Cross, the Virgin Birth, and the Inspiration of Scripture).
Give him a quiet heart, lest he hear his own heart’s condemnation which The God of Scripture graciously sends to bring repentance and obedience to Christ. For that would truly suck, oh Amorphous And Non-Specific Deity.
AMEN.
Two questions:
1. Was this a Christian prayer?
2. Who wants to take the first shift watching GaryV to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself?
Well GaryV as usual, your sarcasm is duly noted.
Sounds like you’re trying your best to form a universalist prayer. Oh well, it worked to the point of letting us know all of the wrongs of those willing to embrace everything except the word of God.
I feel your pain, so to speak. Good one about the silicone implants!
LOL. That pretty much sums the pimps up!!!
GaryV, hold on buddy the medics are on the way. And they are bringing a gallon of morphine with them. Truly your spirit man/woman is in pain.
Ok, lol this was insane!!! Funny but a stark and fitting translation of Vickie Gene’s big fat christian prayer.
Hey GCM, is Gene’s name really Vickie, or is that just his future gender reassignment name??
No that is his birth name Vickie Gene Robinson. Per wikipedia:
Odd and strange.
OK - I finally stopped laughing long enough to give my own “shout out” to GaryV, and comment here.
Mel, I suggest you and I contract GaryV out for editorial/co-writing duty (for a “first fruit offering” of apples * oranges, and a “seed” offering of pumpkin seeds, of course). It takes a…um…complex mind to come up with this stuff!
LOL
Now that I’ve settled down I can comment. That was absolutely excellent. Truly, Gary, you are a talented brother.
GaryV what more needs to be said? Except maybe the “Lord” finally defining the word “is” for Bill Clinton. Great post!
I see my supposedly twisted mind keeps getting dishonorable mention, yet no mention of what sort of minds it takes to actually transmit my ravings across the blogosphere.
Melvin, ST, IC………what have you to say for yourselves??
Well, GaryV - Mel, IC, and I have already been condemned to eternal hellfire & damnation by the lemmings because we “put our mouths on the mend and womend of gawd”.
But you, sir, you are earning a special seat on the “gasoline express” with us for daring to expose the wolves, vipers, et al with the Word of God.
The audacity!
That gasoline seat explains the smell of flammables and persistent rash on my backside.
a rash on your backside… tmi.
Mrs. Maverick,
Don’t worry about GaryV. Their just Holy Ghost Hemorrhoids.
Kyle
But Mav, the rash is in the shape of the Virgin Mary. LET THE PILGRIMAGES BEGIN!!!
i am so trying to get that visual outta my head~ nancyyyyy!
Kyle said:
Don’t worry about GaryV. Their just Holy Ghost Hemorrhoids.
My response:
Not to be a killjoy, but that wasn’t funny Kyle.
Making fun of the “virgin” Mary, or Paul, or a twisted concept of God, or another Jesus, is one thing-but to insert a member of the Godhead into a joke about hemorrhoids, shouldn’t be something we find humor in.
Kyle is simply making an allusion to Benny Hinn’s wife’s infamous “Holy Ghost Enema” sermon.
He’s pointing out the methodology and the madness of these imbeciles, not supporting it seekerman.
If we can’t even refer to the sort of nonsense going on in the church, we’re not going to be very effective combating it.
GaryV,
Thanks for pointing out the obvious. What amazes me is that this website is replete with satire and yet some still don’t get it. I would in no ways defame God.
Seekerman,
I think your responses to me are due to our contentious debates we have had recently. In other words I think you projecting your bias against me via non issues like the “Holy Ghost Enema” which was uttered out of the mouth of reprobate wife of Benny Hinn (Equally a reprobate I might add). I can’t wait to hear you input on Melvin’s new post regarding the Reformation.
Kyle
Hello, Kyle:
There’s satire in play at this site?
Peter.
Kyle said:
I think your responses to me are due to our contentious debates we have had recently.
My response:
Oh, so I see- if I were to analyze and discern, why a particular person said something, about a particular thing, that I view to be dubious, then I’m questioned by the “benevolent dictator,” as well as by yourself and others, on why I came to such conclusions, even if I explain my reasoning in posts that were never posted.
(MN: Actually, he said “I think…” not “you are…” You keep insisting you know what others are thinking. Kyle is expressing his suspicion. )
HOWEVER, if someone attempts to dissect me, for why I do what I do, or say, then no one questions how they came to their conclusions. And before anyone claim that I never gave a reason for calling certain folks on a previous thread “haughty and arrogant”, just remember, unlike the post by Kyle I’m responding to-MY REASONS WERE NEVER POSTED.
(MN: Your post consisted of the equivalent of “It’s so because I know it’s so.” That didn’t move the conversation along. )
Now true enough, my initial posts to such questioning, really didn’t give a justification, because I was somewhat trying to make light of a potential tense situation. HOWEVER, as the questioning and self-righteous posturing intensified, I began to respond with cogent replies that were never posted.
(MN: Sorry. given the nature of this site, and the mechanics. there really aren’t any “tense situations.” If the reader’s sensabilities are easily enough and sufficiently offended, the reader is always free to not return. )
(If folks truly want to read what I wasn’t able to post, I’ll gladly email you the posts, so that folks can judge for themselves, whether I truly defended my case or just-according to someone-repeated myself, without giving a proper justification.)
Anyway, let’s move on.
Kyle also said:
In other words I think you projecting your bias against me via non issues like the “Holy Ghost Enema” which was uttered out of the mouth of reprobate wife of Benny Hinn (Equally a reprobate I might add).
My response:
Man, what are you talking about?
Moreover, you have a tendency of making unwise, overzealous blasphemous statements, when you’re caught up in the zeal of your position. Now, I don’t quite remember the “enema” thing, but I do remember a post where you showed an open disdain for those who spoke in tongues, which was evidenced through your gratuitous mockery.
(MN: Here is an example of you simply repeating yourself, as you have in the past. By the way, showing disdain for those who speak in “tongues” is not blasphemous. Besides, wouldn’t having hidden disdain be hypocritical? )
Kyle and Gary:
If heretics make fun, or make light of a member of the Godhead, then go on ahead and let them do so, but for you to mockingly attach the Holy Ghost to hemorrhoids, regardless of your motives, was highly inappropriate.
That’s similar to using God’s name in vain. For remember-THE HOLY GHOST IS GOD. Let me repeat this for the slowpokes-THE HOLY GHOST IS GOD TOO, therefore reverence and discretion ought to be used.
Regardless of how folks will try to “science” up the scripture, so as to justify such inconvenient jesting-the logic and justification will not be estimable.
With that said, making fun of past saints- I can somewhat stomach, but the Godhead ought to not ever be touched.
(MN: I don’t believe anyone was “making fun of the Holy Spirit. But again, you have to live with your standards. Just don’t try to guilt others into living by your standards as well. )
I’m sorry, but I hear what you guys are saying-I’m just (MN: not?) buying your policies…
Kyle said:
I can’t wait to hear you input on Melvin’s new post regarding the Reformation.
My response:
Okay?
What some will do, or say, in the name of “satire.”
Man, maybe I shoudn’t jump in the middle of this, but Seekerman, my opinion is that you need to chill out here.
Kyle was MOCKING BENNY HINN. If there’s anyone in the world who deserves a good mocking, it’s him. Yet again you are refusing to differentiate between a QUOTE and the person USING that quote for satirical purposes. You did it with Rush Limbaugh and the whole “magical negro” thing, and you’re doing it again now with Kyle. In fact, you’re showing a tendency to not “get” (deliberately or not) the whole concept of satire. Mel has biblically defended the use of satire again and again, and I don’t think he needs to waste anymore (virtual) ink on the subject.
Brother, I just think it’s time for you to let this issue go. Nobody else thinks Kyle was blaspheming the Holy Spirit. If Mel or Gary or anyone else had an inkling of him disrespecting God, do you think they would NOT call him out? False Gospels and blasphemy don’t get very far on this site, and the notion that the Holy Spirit is less than God is most certainly blasphemous. But that is just plain not what Kyle was saying.
I just sense a lot of sarcasm, anger, and bitterness in your recent posts and I feel like that is a bad bunch of emotions to be directing at someone who is a brother in Christ.
(MN: Seekerman made another in a long line of mega-posts. If you want to read his comments, send me an e-mail address. I will send that address to him, and he can send you his rantings, unexpurgated, unfiltered, and all Seekerman.
Seekerman - you’ve used up your bandwidth for this thread. Come back later on. )
Laura,
Thanks for stating the obvious just as GaryV did. The remark had to do with Benny Hinn and His wife period end of story.
Seekerman,
In regards to my questioning of tongues why is that an issue? Do we not debate all kinds of doctrines? How about Free Will vs Election? How about Preterism vs Dispensationalism? In other words what is wrong with making bold stances and defending them?
Thank God we have this opportunity to debate such topics. And yes although it can be contentious it nonetheless is still imperative for the growth and maturity of Christians. Seekerman you shouldn’t let these things get personal but rather you should use scripture, ask poignant questions, and defend your points. I am more than happy to debate you. However, I will defend against blanket statements and accusations that what I said was directed at the Holy Spirit.
Kyle
Hey Melvin,
We want to, once again, thank you for coming to New York and being a blessing in the Word. We truly enjoyed the fellowship and we are looking forward to seeing you all again. Keep standing on the Word, especially in times like these. Keep in touch and I will be talking with you soon.
Grace and Peace,
Keith and Sharon & The Ministry of Hope Family
(MN: No problem. It was my pleasure. As I said when I was there, you were all most gracious and hospitable. And the congregation was an excellent reflection on you and the work you have put in them. You are all to be commended.
The way things are going, your home church will likely be the way to go in the near future. )