I’m sure most of you have applied for a job. You look through the want ads, or surf Monster.com, or look through the jobs section on your company site to see what companies are looking for. And most of the job announcements do indeed have qualifications.

One might say: “Wanted, Computer programmer. Must have experience in C++. Must have experience designing, developing and deploying websites making extensive use of Java, Flash, and Perl technology. Project management experience is a plus.”

Most of us understand that you don’t have to fit a job to a tee to have a chance at getting the job. It’s going to depend on how desperate the company doing the hiring is, how charming you are, and how much you are asking to be paid. The fact that you don’t have ALL of the qualifications doesn’t mean you can’t get the job.

Unfortunately, a lot of folks in the church, especially in the pimp section of the church, have taken this to an extreme. It doesn’t matter what you do or who you do it with. You are still an anointed man of God. The problems? According to the pimp and his followers, those are just darts being tossed by the evil one. Consider the following tawdry tale of Michael Pitts, the pastor of Cornerstone Church in Ohio.

I can guarantee you the above picture wasn’t taken by the Cornerstone staff. And it wasn’t taken in the good pastor’s offices. This photo is just like the dozens we have been seeing. You remember the one of Bishop Weeks when he was in court right? And you remember the one of Hornbuckle? They all have that “How can I explain this to the sheeple so they’ll blame Satan” kind of look to them.

Here’s an article on Michael Pitts, the pastor of Cornerstone Church and the new candidate for bishop in Toledo Ohio:

The Rev. Michael Pitts pleaded no contest to drunk driving this morning in Maumee Municipal Court. Judge Gary Byers found the pastor of Cornerstone Church in Maumee guilty and sentenced him to serve nine days in the Corrections Center of Northwest Ohio. The judge also fined him $300 and costs. Mr. Pitts will begin serving the sentence June 14.

Earlier, Reverend Pitts had these problem. Do a search here using the phrase “Pitts + Indecency” and ask the site to give you the listing oldest to newest and you will see an interesting set of news articles from 1997. You can almost follow the entire sordid affair through the headlines and first paragraphs.

But back to applying for a job.

You realize of course, that there are qualifications for bishop/elder/pastor, right? They show up in the letters to Timothy and Titus. Most of you are familiar with them. But just in case, here are the verses:

1Ti 3:1-4

It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires {to do.} An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. {He must be} one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity

Um, does any of the goings on with Reverend Pitts present a problem to any of you?

Does Paula’s decision to participate in the “Heaven On Earth Conference” conference present a difficulty to any of you?

I have an e-mail into Cornerstone to see if they are still putting him up to be a bishop in the “International School of Bishops.”

I was going to send an e-mail to Without Walls International Church to find out if Paula is still planning on speaking at the “Heaven on Earth Conference”. But when I visited her site this evening (two months after the June conviction for drunk driving) she still has it on her itinerary. Here’s a screen shot from her site.

I’m still trying to figure out what they will be talking about when they meet up at the conference. It’ll probably go something like this:

Pitts: Hey girl! I have seen you in quite a while!
Paula: Hey Michael. It’s good to see you too. I trust your time in jail wasn’t too bad.”
Pitts: No girl. I got the jailers to smuggle in a really good Merlot. You’d be surprised at how fast the time goes when you have a good buzz on.

Convicted of drunk driving and copping a plea to get out from under a charge for indecent exposure. I would hope the meeting would be a little awkward. But some how I just don’t see it.

A tip o’the hat to Eucatastrophe for putting me on the trail of this clown.

Pulpit Pimps | 28 Comments »

I finally got my iPod, iTunes, and my stupid computer to work together again last week. I promptly downloaded and listened to the debate between Harold Camping and James White.

Who is Harold Camping, you ask? He’s the fellow who has proved from the Bible that the end of the world will come about on May 12, 2011. He’s also the fellow who proved, from the Bible, that the end of the world is going to happen in 1994. Excuse me, WAS going to happen in 1994.

Listening to the debate was just about the most bizarre exercise I have heard in all my years as a Christian. Dr. White addressed the issues in the predictions and in the methodology Mr. Camping was using. He illustrated the fallacy of Camping’s methods. He carefully, yet graciously, presented the errors contained in Mr. Camping’s writings. But for all of this, Mr. Camping simply repeated himself, presented assumptions and then proceeded as though he had demonstrated the validity of the assumptions. It was a repeat of the book I read back in 1993, the one that predicted the end of the world in 1994.

The reason I’m bringing this up is because every once in a while I reminisce about the friends I had back at First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering, pastored by John K. Jenkins Senior. One of those friends was Deacon Lawrence Lee, a very friendly fellow, but one who, even while I was there consistently demonstrated what I had to consider at best a limited hold on Scripture and an ability to rightly divide it.

He came to me, very excited, telling me about “1994.” He was very pleased and convinced that Mr. Camping had gotten it right in predicting the end of the world. I took the book and read it through, pencil in hand. It took me perhaps twice as long as a book its length would normally take me. I kept stopping to make notes in the book’s margin. And I had to work really hard sometimes to identify the spot or spots where Mr. Camping made his jumps.

The debate was exactly the same way. Mr. Camping would make a statement (for example, he would say “the number five is the number of holiness. And the number three is the number of the nature of God. So clearly you can see that the number 15 is used to refer to the holiness of the nature of God. Now it was three hundred years from the time of the death of Adam to the time of the death of Seth, clearly a reference to the end of the special period in the relationship between God and Adam and by implication, mankind in general. God has marvelously arranged for the time between the two to be 300, which 20 times 5 times 3.” The trouble is he never supported the statement about five nor the statement about the number three. But he then proceeded to build more upon the statements.

When I explained this to Deacon Lee, he accused me of being too literal, or being too legalistic with the text of the Bible. He stated he was convinced Camping was right.
But here’s the creepy part. I gave Deacon Lee a call on January 1, 1995. He was still convinced Camping was a tremendous Bible scholar and continued to promote his teachings.

Several years later, Mr. Camping began teaching that the church age has ended and we should get out of the churches. My friend, Deacon Lee, again sent me some of the man’s materials. It was filled with the same nonsense and blatantly eisegetical material as his book. And apparently the good deacon saw it as being valid. Curiously enough though, he didn’t leave the church.

When I describe the deacons at First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering as a little bit less than useless, I’m not just being bitter and cynical. Remember, part of the requirements for being ordained was their ability to recite the books of the bible and recite the sections of scripture referring to elders from memory. They folded to John’s desires, never saying anything about the hacks and pimps he brings in.

I suspect it’s one of two things: they honestly don’t know any better or they don’t want to lose what little position they have. Either option represents a terrible indictment of the men appointed to lead the congregation.

Harold Camping has departed the realm of orthodoxy. Does he always say crazy things? No. But you would be best to avoid giving Family Radio (FR) any of your money. It would likely be a very good thing for you to avoid tuning FR in on the radio as well. Study on your own, find a Bible based, ORTHODOX church. Do anything along those lines. Just don’t continue (or begin) following a man who has clearly lost a hold of Christian orthodoxy.

Oh, and pray for his followers like Deacon Lee and others.

Pulpit Pimps | 23 Comments »

In a major - and momentary - departure from the normal content, I have posted this. It has no purpose other than I think it is funny. I love British/Colonial humor.

Pulpit Pimps | 3 Comments »

A commenter pointed me to a PBS article that appears on YouTube; a very interesting article about Brad Braxton. And I have to apologize. Braxton isn’t a pimp any more than the people who attend the church are Christians. He just thought he was getting a really good deal of a job. Nothing wrong with that. Heck, I’d do the same thing. He’s not preaching the Jesus of the Bible and the people don’t want to hear about the Jesus of the Bible. No one was taking advantage of anyone in the whole mess.

I don’t know who to feel sorrier for - Braxton or the congregation.

Brace yourself before you watch the video. These people seem to have, at best, a passing familiarity with Jesus Christ.

By the way, if the comments really get in your way, you can always turn them off at the right side of the screen once you click through to YouTube. Watch the whole thing, just so you can get a real feel for the outlandish nature of the whole situation.

Pulpit Pimps | 19 Comments »

What’s the difference between this bozo, Duane Broom, and Thompson, our linguistically challenged, “money cometh!” pimp? First watch the video from Tangle [boy, I think that name is prophetic], then listen to the audio clip I have from a couple of years back.

Here’s the clip from Leroy. Leroy is the one that doesn’t sound like Copeland. He’s the one who sounds as if English is a second language for him.

Tell you what, I found a condensed set of Thompsonisms for you to listen to. Again, what’s the difference between this pimp and the smooth pimp you listened to at the beginning of the posting?

A pimp is a pimp no matter how well he dresses or how well he speaks.

Pulpit Pimps | 15 Comments »

It’s actually fascinating to watch the antics and maneuverings of the Charismatic/Pentecostal big wigs and big wig wannabees. I suspect, sometimes, they work with the assumption that there are enough stupid sheeple (and yes, I agree this is a somewhat redundant term) out there to enable them to do almost anything they want. Or maybe the lives of the sheeple are so empty, they are willing to latch onto anything that appears to provide some kind of meaning in their lives. Either way, the sheeple should be pitied and you should, as Paul and others have commanded, have nothing but disdain for the pimps and pimpettes.

Let’s take a look at Paula and Randy White, the former Pentecostal Power Couple out of Florida; the couple that led The Church Without Walls together until they decided they had to divorce.

First, remember that these people constantly taught about the power of God in the lives of the believers. Here’s some text from Paula’s site that I can only describe as ironic at best and dishonest if I show no grace what so ever:

If the dreams God has given you feel unattainable . . . if the enemy has come against you with full force . . . or if you feel bound by addictions, physical problems, a bad relationship, financial devastation or some other challenge, hold on. Don’t give up! (Italics added for emphasis)

Notice what she says: if the dreams God has given you feel unattainable…if you feel bound by a bad relationship…hold on. Don’t give up. It would seem either this is not true or she is just saying these things and doesn’t really believe them. Surely God gave her the dream of being married and committed to one man for the rest of her life. And surely God gave that same dream to her ex-husband, Randy White.

If that is the case, why in the world did they divorce? Well, according to them it was because of “irreconcilable differences.”

Now I know some of you out there believe a man can divorce a woman or vice versa if the spouse commits adultery. But unless one or the other of these two doofuses is lying, there was no adultery. So that wasn’t even presented as a reason, invalid though I believe it would be. Irreconcilable differences. God can reconcile the world to Himself through Jesus Christ, but He can’t be trusted to help two religio-boobs to be reconciled to each other. Imagine that.

But more to point, the two split and she left Florida to, uh, do ministry in San Antonio Texas with another divorced man, a bishop over another prosperity centered church organization.

While she was gone, attendance at the Church Without Walls began to drop off precipitously (that’s “very quickly” for those of you who attend First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering).

Now this is the part that makes me believe the sheeple are either incredibly stupid or incredibly desperate for meaning in their lives. Paula, that self-proclaimed messed up girl from Mississippi, has returned to the Church Without Walls to pastor the place.

What happened next is an indication that you shouldn’t look at this mess and simply say “It doesn’t impact me at all.”

She sought guidance before taking the job. She says she prayed and fasted. But more importantly, she asked her spiritual father, T. Dexter, what he thought she should do.

This tower of spiritual discernment and wisdom apparently told her that she, a woman AND a person who has demonstrated she is incapable of persevering in a relationship, should take the job as pastor. And remember, T. Dexter is also the mentor to such luminaries as John K. Jenkins, the pastor of First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering. How many of pastors look to this clown for spiritual guidance and mentoring? How many other men are being ruined as leaders of men AND of congregations?

Warn the folks you know about these people. They don’t care about the sheeple, they don’t care about God, and they don’t care about the truth. But I’ve said that before. The folks at First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering don’t care that T. Dexter is oneness. And what is more disturbing is some of the men who “mentor” other men at the church don’t even know what the term means. They embrace T. Dexter as “an anointed mand of gawd” and as their pastor’s mentor, a ticket to success.

By the way, guess who’s appearing with Paula at at least one of the Heaven On Earth Conferences? Take a peek here. And if you want to understand why Mr. Pitts, the pastor of the church holding the “Heaven on Earth” conference, is having these parasites visit his congregation, click here. Do you detect a little “one hand washing the other”?

Remember, these people don’t care about you. They are slaves of their own appetites, not slaves of our Lord Jesus Christ.

By the way, notice what Paula says we should do. It’s from her site.

Dare to dream! You can activate you prayers and faith in your dream by sowing a sacrificial seed into God’s Kingdom through your support of Paula White Ministries world wide outreaches…because it’s a turnaround season…and GOD IS UP TO SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE.

Translation: Give me money and God will answer your prayers.

John K. Jenkins, Sr., Paula White, Pulpit Pimps, T. Dexter Jakes | 27 Comments »

Reverend Ike is dead. The first of the prosperity pimps died last Tuesday in Los Angeles. And do you know who announced the death? Bishop E. Bernard Jordan, the prosperity pimp apparently anointed to take his place.

As I look back at the man who proved to be the template for virtually all of the pulpit pimps (as opposed to prosperity pimps) who followed, I have to admit he was an honest man.

He preached prosperity. He didn’t pretend to preach Christ. He used a religious veneer and certainly used God in his overall scam. And like the pulpit pimps, he appealed to people’s greed and desire for a comfortable, if not luxurious life.

Ike’s basic message was “Buy my trinkets and they will serve as a conduit for the money that wants to come into your life.” Unlike the current pimps, he didn’t tell people he had an anointed ministry. He didn’t pretend to be doing great things in the name of God. He didn’t pretend to receive “fresh revelation” from God. He rarely mentioned Jesus, never talked about repenting, and never, ever spoke of sin, unless it was the sin of not believing God would bring riches into your life if you followed the laws of prosperity - as he explained them.

I mentioned earlier that Master Prophet Bernard Jordan announced his death to the papers. I think this is fitting. After all, Jordan really does appear to be the heir apparent to the prosperity scam Rev. Ike ran for so many years.

If you have listened to Jordan, you know he doesn’t talk about Jesus Christ. He doesn’t talk about sin, repentance, or all those other downer words Christians tend to work with. His prophecies (as master prophet) are all positive. They all indicate riches and prosperity coming into the lives of those willing to participate in his various activities.

I sent off for a personal prophecy from this pimp. It was one statement bundled in with about a dozen others. Of course, if I was interested in hearing more, I had to – you guessed it – send him some money. And if I wanted to learn how to prophesy on my own, I had to – right again! – send him some money.

While I think Reverend Ike’s activities were reprehensible and totally without any redeeming value, he pales in comparison to the men and women claiming to represent the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He didn’t use the Gospel as a segue into the scamming of some times stupid, sometimes greedy, always vulnerable men and woman. He didn’t draw people into what they believed was the Gospel only to destroy or shipwreck their willingness to give attention to the Word.

Copeland, Dollar, Thompson, Hagin, and a host of others have spent the last thirty years destroying the foundation of Christianity for millions of men and women. By comparison, Ike was nothing more than an entertaining side show, a side show that burnt people financially. On the other hand, Copeland and his gang of spiritual assassins, have destroyed more people and families for vanity’s sake than I would care to think about.

People embrace their bad teaching about the Bible as being the actual contents of the Bible. And when they discover the fallacy of what the bozos teach, they turn away from everything Christian, including and especially the Bible.

It’s too late for Ike. He has likely died and entered eternity unsaved, eternally separated from God. Don’t pray for him. Do pray for his family, Master Profit Jordan and his family, and for those spiritual thugs preaching the prosperity gospel. And pray for those whose faith has been shipwrecked, that they would come to the truth of God as shown in the Bible, not some slug’s head.

Melvin tips his hat to Righter and Evette for bringing Ike’s death to his attention.

Pulpit Pimps | 15 Comments »