It’s almost Oprah Day.

If you do devotion in the morning, pray for her.

If you have Bible study, have the group pray for her.

If you are meeting for prayer - purposely bring up her name to God in the group.

If you’re sitting around idle with nothing much to do, pray for her.

Pray that she would come to a saving knowledge of God’s Son and the eternal life He promises to those who trust in Him.

Consider praying that God would do in her life whatever it takes to bring her attention to Him.

Pulpit Pimps | 11 Comments »

Most of the time I look at the things these pimps do, and listen to the things they spout, I’m conflicted between laughing hysterically crying uncontrollably. I mean, take a look at Prophet Woody Martin in his prayer shawl, also known as a cheap piece of cheese cloth with badly printed scriptures and pictures plastered across it. I’d be as willing to take a picture wearing this thing as I would be willing to take a picture of the red crushed velvet tuxedo (with the black platforms) I wore to my girl friend’s prom. I destroyed all the pictures so forget about it! They’re not going to see the light of day.

I’m amazed that he can stand there, microphone in hand, and keep a straight face. On the other hand, if he can convince people to buy one he gets a hundred dollars for each sale. Let’s see. The thing can’t be worth more than a buck twenty (that’s $1.20 for you WoFers out there). And he likely gets a hundred of them shipped to his facilities at a time ($30.00 for shipping). That means the total cost of the shawl is about $1.50 each. And that means he’s clearing $98.50 for each shawl.

If he can convince just a hundred people to lay down a C note, he can clear $9850.00. Sweeet!! I take it back. If someone offered to pay me almost $10,000 to pose in that red crushed velvet tuxedo, I’d do it. But I do draw the line at the pair of Lederhosen I used to own.

Woody rightly says that the shawl has no mystical powers. In fact he says:

The prayer shawl in itself does not have any mystical healing power. It is a point of FAITH to to have your mind renewed and placed upon THE HEALER - THE LORD JESUS CHRIST, the LIVING WORD of Jehovah God through whose STRIPES we are HEALED!

Hmm. I thought the Bible did the renewing. Try as I might, I can’t see anything in Romans 12:1-2 that exhorts us to buy a piece of cheese cloth from Woody. If it’s the Word of God that heals, why not offer us a “Woody the Prophet” Bible or something?

But it gets better. Not only does he offer a Woody the Prophet prayer shawl, we can get a real live vial of “Blood of Jesus Anointing Oil” for free. Again, he rightly says there are no magical powers to it. However, he does quote a bunch of scriptures about Jesus’ blood and then goes on to say:

The oil alone had no power, but when saturated by prayer, it became the Holy Spirit’s point of power for bringing deliverance to people

Okay…then instead of having us order a vial of olive oil and food coloring, why not remind us of James 5:16? While it’s a lot less sexy than a bottle of oil, it seems more appropriate. It says:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

Where in this verse is there a need for a point of faith (or point of contact if we are a little more honest about what he’s saying)?

But I guess the biggest reason to avoid this pimp is to avoid making yourself look like an idiot. The brother in the following photograph is well dressed. Nice shirt, nice tie. It even appears that he visits the gym on the regular. But what’s up with the hanky on the head?

That’s right!! Just like Paul’s handkerchiefs, Woody the Prophet apparently also sells a prayer hanky. You know the drill – put it on the part that hurts and the anointed prayer cloth will deliver you from the pain, swelling, or what ever. Or you can pretend you’re an idiot and wear it on your head.

It looks as though we have another pimp trying to break out into national prominence. I’d stay away from him if only because of the $100 cheesy shawl. But besides that, he looks like Uncle Joe from “Petticoat Junction.”

Pulpit Pimps | 95 Comments »

I promise this is the last posting I will publish on Willow Boy for a while - unless he comes up with some other outrageously idiotic comment.

Within the last couple of days, several of you have asked: Why “Willow Boy.” I figure this is probably as good a time to review as any, since WB is on our minds.

The name goes back to one of the first times I addressed Joel and his “ministry.” I complained that unlike the men and women who stood firmly for the faith in the past, men who defied the Catholic Church despite that fact that it literally held the power of life and death in its hands, Willow Boy is unwilling to stand against much of anything.

Luther, Calvin and a host of others were like oaks, standing for the truth, for the faith delivered once and for all to the saints.

Joel, on the other hand, has stood like a willow tree, not able to stand against much of anything, swaying in the wind every time a challenge approaches.

Luther and company had roots that went deep into the truth of the Word. They couldn’t be bent, only broken. And they didn’t break. Joel, on the other hand, has shown a willingness to bend as far as he needs to - as long has he doesn’t have to break.

One set of men and women are oaks. The other set (and this set includes Osteen) are nothing more than willows, being moved by every wind that comes through the field.

Willow Boy.

Joel Osteen, Pulpit Pimps | 105 Comments »

Remember - May 1, 2008 Oprah Day

Thanks to Avishalom

Christian Living | 74 Comments »

I don’t usually follow up a posting on one of the pimps with another posting on the same pimp. But, as I am want to do, I sat and listened to Joel (aka Willow Boy) a couple of days ago (Sunday, 6 April 2008) and I was absolutely blown away by the contents of his pep talk, or PT (surely you didn’t expect me to call it a sermon). I decided the PT needed to be addressed.

The title of the PT was “How to Have a God Kind of Faith.” And yes, this is going exactly where you think it is. Basically, Joel pointed out that it’s not good enough that we should just have faith. We have to have the same kind of faith God has.
Have you heard this before? Yeah, it’s the same thing Copeland and the newly minted Word of Faith Apostle Fred Price feed their victims.

Joel started off assuring us that God has great things in store for us, insuring us that the reason we come up against difficulties is because God wants us to exercise faith, His kind of faith.

Willow Boy went on to say that we have to let God’s faith operate through us. That’s right – God has faith and He wants to operate it through us. He wants to operate his faith through us. That’s how we can get past the barriers in our lives.

I don’t know where to start with this. It’s such a target rich environment.

Okay, let’s start with the fact that God doesn’t have faith. He doesn’t need faith. He is the creator of the universe, the source of life, the source of power. He doesn’t use faith for anything.

The phrase Willow Boy uses implies that faith is a substance of some kind. It implies that God can use me as a conduit through which His faith flows. And that, of course, is exactly what the rest of the WoF pimps will tell you.

As do the rest of the Word of Faith wolves, Willow Boy demotes God to our level. Instead of us exercising faith in God’s faithfulness, in His wisdom, and in His perfection, we force Him to operate the same way we do, through faith. According to Joel, He has the same needs that we have. God uses the same substance we can use. He has to use something outside of Himself (faith, a substance) to cause to happen what He wants to happen.

A question: If faith is a substance, did God create it? If He uses faith to create, how did He create BEFORE faith came to be? If He didn’t create it, how did it come to be? Has it always been? Wouldn’t that mean that there is a substance that has been around longer than God? Doesn’t that mean there is something that is “more eternal” than God?

Apparently God needs faith to create just like I need a saw, a hammer and a screw driver to build a house. So where did God’s celestial toolbox come from? Did He run down to the Celestial Hardware Store and buy it? Does He have a celestial carpenter’s belt as well?

I really have to feel sorry for the 48,000 sheeple who give attention to him every week. They are completely unarmed. We know they don’t read their Bibles. And watching the show, listening to Joel, we know he doesn’t read his Bible either. It really is a matter of the blind leading the blind. It really seems as though people like Joel are busy setting folks up to be susceptible to deceivers like Oprah and her cohort in crime Echart Tolle I mean, what’s the real difference between what Oprah natters on about and what the smiling preacher throws out there? Joel makes his listeners ripe for the picking.

Can you imagine how susceptible the 48,000 people who sit under him are? He has not taken them to Scripture. I doubt that he understands the importance, no, the absolute necessity of right doctrine. The people who follow him are like a troupe of starving people, dying because their leader has no clue as to what real food looks like. How many of them believe there is no substantive difference between Christianity and Mormonism or between Christianity and Jehovah’s Witness doctrine?

What do you suppose he thinks of Oprah and her New Age witchery? She says she loves the Lord so she’s probably a Christian too. Right?

The more I think about Joel, the more upset I get, and the more I suspect that it’s going to be men and women like him who will end up leading the persecution of the true church when the time is right.

Will he be able to change? I don’t know. I think it would be kind of embarrassing for him to admit at this point that he really is clueless. So I suspect that as long as he is comfortable doing what he does (pretending to have some great and godly wisdom) and people are willing to follow and fawn over him, he is not likely to change.

But can you imagine being him and his wife when they face Jesus Christ at his judgment seat? Man! I wouldn’t want to be in their shoes…or sandals…or whatever we’ll be wearing when we face him. But it sure would be interesting being a fly on the Lord’s throne, watching what happens.

Pulpit Pimps | 62 Comments »

Believe it or not, I don’t go out of my way to uncover heretics and their heresies. Most of the time, I tend to mind my own business. At best I go out and look at these people’s sites and if I see something really good (bad?) I run and tell you about them. This story is kind of old. But since Willow Boy is one of my favorite whipping boys (it’s almost like drowning a sack of kittens in the river), I decided to go ahead and report on a fairly old event.

Several months ago, WB was on the Fox Channel talking politics and theology again. Mitt Romney was still in the race for the president and The Huckster hadn’t dropped out yet. Chris Wallace, the host of Fox News Sunday asked WB several questions – about the Huckster, Mitt, and Mormonism. Here is a brief excerpt from that sad interview:

WALLACE: So in that sense, what do you make of Mike Huckabee, a Southern Baptist pastor who’s doing so well and, in effect, using his faith as part of his platform?

OSTEEN: Well, you know what? I like Mike Huckabee. I’ve never met him. My brother’s from Little Rock and he knows him and says he’s a fine man. And so I like what he stands for.
From what I’ve seen, I don’t think he’s overdone it. I think he’s just — you know, he’s a Baptist pastor. That’s in him. And I think he’s just standing up for what he believes in.

WALLACE: And what about Mitt Romney? And I’ve got to ask you the question, because it is a question whether it should be or not in this campaign, is a Mormon a true Christian?

OSTEEN: Well, in my mind they are. Mitt Romney has said that he believes in Christ as his savior, and that’s what I believe, so, you know, I’m not the one to judge the little details of it. So I believe they are.

And so, you know, Mitt Romney seems like a man of character and integrity to me, and I don’t think he would — anything would stop me from voting for him if that’s what I felt like.

WALLACE: So, for instance, when people start talking about Joseph Smith, the founder of the church, and the golden tablets in upstate New York, and God assumes the shape of a man, do you not get hung up in those theological issues?

OSTEEN: I probably don’t get hung up in them because I haven’t really studied them or thought about them. And you know, I just try to let God be the judge of that. I mean, I don’t know.

I certainly can’t say that I agree with everything that I’ve heard about it, but from what I’ve heard from Mitt, when he says that Christ is his savior, to me that’s a common bond.

You can read the full transcript here.

I have to admit that as I read the transcript I was actually embarrassed for Willow Boy. He is making it so incredibly obvious that he hasn’t a clue. He demonstrated yet again that he is a mile wide and less than a millimeter deep.

The pastor of the largest church in the United States says: “…Mitt Romney said that he believes in Christ as his savior, and that’s what I believe, so, you know, I’m not the one to judge the little details of it. So I believe they are.”

The little details?!?! You mean the little details like Jesus being the half-brother of Satan? Or perhaps you mean the fact that Jesus’ father is actually Adam, their God. Or maybe you’re talking abou the minor difference where they say we can become gods just like Adam did.

Then WB rubs salt in the already gaping wound by asking “Who am I to judge?”

I had to take a time out while I was typing this. I started hitting the keys so hard that I thought I might break the keyboard.

Okay, I’ve settled down.

Who are you to judge? I would expect this kind of foolishness from the average person on the street who has absolutely no doctrinal/theological training and has no idea of just what is in the Bible. I would expect this from someone who just didn’t pay attention to the details of Christianity, who didn’t bother to promote Jesus Christ at his every opportunity to speak. I would expect this from…wait a minute. Didn’t I just describe Joel Osteen?

Joel’s stuff is so weak the Mormons sell his book through their online book stores. Could you imagine them selling John MacArthur’s works?

I suspect Joel Osteen is leading millions of people straight into hell. He’s smiling in their faces while he drugs them with a fatal feel good gospel. In effect, he telling them to have their best life now because they are going to burn forever in hell once they die.

As I watch Willow Boy, I have come to the conclusion that he is actually worse than the pimps. The pimps produce nothing and practically blackmail the sheeple into giving them money the sheeple can ill afford to part with. Joel doesn’t ask for money. He doesn’t try to throw you into any kind of guilt trip, justified or otherwise. Instead, he tells the unsaved what they want to hear in a way they want to hear it.

He tells them to strive to be a better you rather than telling them to put on the new man. He tells them that God wants them to succeed rather than telling them that God wants them to repent and die to self. He tells them God has blessing in store for them rather than warning them that if they become Christians they should expect to be persecuted. He says the opposite of what Christ says. So in a manner of speaking, you could say that Joel Osteen is actually an anti-Christ.

He doesn’t present the Gospel. At the end of each message he presents a sanitized and emasculated Jesus for the people to follow; a Jesus that isn’t Jesus at all and who will only lead them into the depths of hell.

Run away from this guy as fast as you can. Warn others away from him even faster. Make sure those around you know that this man is an empty suit with a smile and a nice hairdo, that he does not have even a rank layman’s grasp on the Gospel. Warn folks that when he stands before them or comes through the television, he has absolutely nothing of eternal value to say.

Pulpit Pimps | 118 Comments »